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Sith Lord Ash
Horseback Riding Extraordinaire
Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 1246
Location: Berkeley, CA
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 An idea to resurrect Sly Stallone's Career... Yeah so I was watching Assassins today on cable.
Fucking shitty movie. This I know.
Anyway... so I'm watching it and Julianne Moore is all over Sly's shit, giving him a hard time. And I'm like, "Dude Sly you outweigh her by like a zillion pounds and you're a totally buff middle aged assassin! Why don't you punch her in the fucking ovaries and be out?!"
Then it hit me!
That's how Sly could become a draw again! Credit to Anchorman for this.. anyway. A whole movie where it's little vignettes that are real dramatic and all different. Sly stars in all of them with various female costars. Uma, Vivica A Fox, Halle Berry, Scarlett Johannessen... you know all the chicks that mean something in Hollywood right now. Maybe Susan Sarandon too for shits and giggles.
Anyway so it's full of these 15-20 minute vignettes where Sly has some sort of conflict to deal with concerning these various women. Now he'll act his ASS off like you've never seen. Sly will laugh, he'll cry... he'll emote like he's never emoted before. But when push comes to shove, and the end of each vignette nears. Sly just totally fucking decks the broad and yells some catchphrase like "Your dirty and whorish mouth disgraces your family!" or "I never loved you!" or something after punching each chick.
Am I a bad person for thinking this is fucking hysterical?
Seriously... 'cause that's one fucked up idea. Thank god I can just spit it out on the internet and not give two shits what anyone thinks.
PUNCH 'EM IN THE OVARIES SLY!! STRAIGHT SHOT TO THE BABYMAKER!!
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I'VE CHOPPED DOWN THE MOUNTAINS OF TATOOINE WITH THE EDGE OF MY HAND!! AND YOU'RE NEXT DUDES!!
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| Mon Jan 31, 2005 6:58 am |
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Sith Lord Ash
Horseback Riding Extraordinaire
Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 1246
Location: Berkeley, CA
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_________________
I'VE CHOPPED DOWN THE MOUNTAINS OF TATOOINE WITH THE EDGE OF MY HAND!! AND YOU'RE NEXT DUDES!!
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| Mon Jan 31, 2005 7:10 am |
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Mr. Submission
follows you home
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 2050
Location: parts unknown
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I'd rather watch Dolph Lundgren punch all those women in the ovaries.
OR
Maybe Mr. T, but only if he dresses as B.A. Baracus.. and only if Dwight Schultz makes numerous appearances as Howling Mad Murdoch..
"B.A. You just punched her in the ovaries!"
"Shut up Fool! She was a stewardess and I hates flying.. I'm NOT gettin on that plane fool!"
"B.A... Want some milk?"
"ooh.. I love milk.. slurrrp... " THUMP!
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Who's taking numbers on how long lasts?
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| Mon Jan 31, 2005 12:39 pm |
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LC
Can thou not hearest? Let me turneth it up!
Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2003 3:37 am
Posts: 12760
Location: Canadalina
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May the angels weep piss for your heathen souls.
I have no money, I am a failure, my leaders have led me to ruin, and I welcome the absolving embrace of death.
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| Mon Jan 31, 2005 6:19 pm |
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Flyboy
Paranoid Limey Stud
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 6:24 pm
Posts: 1968
Location: Somewhere safe. Somewhere familiar.
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_________________
In the next 60 minutes, you'll ride shotgun in the most dangerous, wild, brazen chases ever caught on tape. We bring it to you for one reason. Cause Knowledge is Power, and Power that could...
SAVE YOUR LIFE!
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| Mon Jan 31, 2005 7:11 pm |
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Bamlicious
Biggest and Baddest of the Mamma Jammest
Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 3:09 pm
Posts: 893
Location: Orlando, FL
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No, no.
Alien Versus Predator Versus Ovaries.
I bet my ass that's the "...never before seen beginning."
That rules.
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"The true irony of life is that of all the ways you can run it, it ultimately ends the same."
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| Mon Jan 31, 2005 10:08 pm |
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Mr. Submission
follows you home
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 2050
Location: parts unknown
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_________________
Who's taking numbers on how long lasts?
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| Mon Jan 31, 2005 10:24 pm |
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Sith Lord Ash
Horseback Riding Extraordinaire
Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 1246
Location: Berkeley, CA
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_________________
I'VE CHOPPED DOWN THE MOUNTAINS OF TATOOINE WITH THE EDGE OF MY HAND!! AND YOU'RE NEXT DUDES!!
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| Tue Feb 01, 2005 3:54 am |
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Bamlicious
Biggest and Baddest of the Mamma Jammest
Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 3:09 pm
Posts: 893
Location: Orlando, FL
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_________________
"The true irony of life is that of all the ways you can run it, it ultimately ends the same."
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| Tue Feb 01, 2005 11:34 am |
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Flyboy
Paranoid Limey Stud
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 6:24 pm
Posts: 1968
Location: Somewhere safe. Somewhere familiar.
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_________________
In the next 60 minutes, you'll ride shotgun in the most dangerous, wild, brazen chases ever caught on tape. We bring it to you for one reason. Cause Knowledge is Power, and Power that could...
SAVE YOUR LIFE!
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| Tue Feb 01, 2005 11:44 am |
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Mr. Submission
follows you home
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 2050
Location: parts unknown
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I am quitting this thread. Some line was crossed. I think it was the dork-line.. and I may very well have helped push this thread across that line..
but I'm jumping ship now.
You guys have fun with your ovary-punching.
_________________
Who's taking numbers on how long lasts?
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| Tue Feb 01, 2005 12:39 pm |
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Bamlicious
Biggest and Baddest of the Mamma Jammest
Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 3:09 pm
Posts: 893
Location: Orlando, FL
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"The true irony of life is that of all the ways you can run it, it ultimately ends the same."
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| Wed Feb 02, 2005 12:02 am |
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Mistuh Ev'rett
Eats soap like a champ!
Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 342
Location: New Yawk
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Sub quit.. but his other personality is back to ruin your life. 
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Moonshine! Moonshine!
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| Wed Feb 02, 2005 4:45 am |
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Sith Lord Ash
Horseback Riding Extraordinaire
Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2002 12:00 am
Posts: 1246
Location: Berkeley, CA
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You think Susan Sarandon or Halle Berry deserves a punch in the ovaries more?
_________________
I'VE CHOPPED DOWN THE MOUNTAINS OF TATOOINE WITH THE EDGE OF MY HAND!! AND YOU'RE NEXT DUDES!!
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| Wed Feb 02, 2005 5:27 pm |
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Shane Mathis
Misses Sangre!
Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2002 6:56 pm
Posts: 2563
Location: Spokanistan
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Dude...susan sarandon was in bull durham..great movie... Halle Berry kissed fred durst...uh... Who the fuck do you THINK should be HEADBUTTED in teh ovaries!?! 
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Her: I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual.
Me: I'm not honest, but you're REALLY interesting.
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| Wed Feb 02, 2005 6:21 pm |
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