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Twisted Experience and TCW - View topic - TCW Havoc from the Bahamas (Aug. 7 2006)
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 TCW Havoc from the Bahamas (Aug. 7 2006) 
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Post TCW Havoc from the Bahamas (Aug. 7 2006)
The opening pyro's about to go off but on the screen we get that multi-colored ‘technical difficulties' thing, and then something starts to play on the tron.
(Hit refresh to see the vids from the beginning)

Image

After it has ended the crowd goes into a silence and parts of it popping for the weirdness of it.

Banter: Well either something weird just happened that I can't explain or I've been hanging out in the Grass X-Press too much.

Cain: Go with the former...

Tex: Can someone please start the intro music!

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.... Bullshit!

Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!

New, what do you own the world?

How do you own disorder, disorder,

Now, somewhere between the sacred silence,

Sacred silence and sleep,

Somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep,

Disorder, disorder, disorder! "


Image
Image

Tex: Welcome everyone to the second edition of Twisted Championship Wrestling, coming to you live from THE BAHAMAS!

Cain: I can't even wait for the first match.

Banter: Don't go pissin' your pants now.

Sammy Eubanks: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, the special enforcer for this match...from Portland, Maine, weighing in at 315 lbs.... "The Titan" TODD LEEEEEEEEEWIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Some Kind of Monster" starts up. Todd makes his way out onto the entrance way. He wears chain mail (kind of like Shawn Michaels, but no chaps here). He poses and the crowd is loving it. He makes his way down to the ring while stopping to high five a couple of kids on the way down there. They've never seen as muscular a person as this. Todd doesn't remove his chain mail, instead taking up position in a chair at ringside with his arms folded and a grim expression on his face.

Tex: The Titan is one hell of a specimen - it's no surprise he was chosen to be the enforcer in this match.

Banter: He may be big, but are you sure he's bright enough to be in a position of authority like this? I'd be amazed if he even knows the rules!

Cain: You think he isn't very intelligent?

Banter: Obviously. Just look at him.

Tex: Well, The Titan has already made an impact in his short time here. I can't vouch for his intellect, but he's becoming increasingly popular with the fans. A star of the future, Isaiah?

Cain: No doubt.

As Aduioslave's - Cochise plays out, JE comes out of his locker room with his grilfriend/ valet Jess behind him. As the first words of the song come start to sing, JE & Jess come out to the fans with his hands raised with Spiderman hand signals in the as a circle of pyros go of behind him, and then as he gets in the ring pyro shoots from the ringposts.

Sammy: And, in the ring, accompanied by Jess, from the Island of Mallorca, weighing in at 250 lbs.....J.E.!!!!

Banter: Where the hell is Mallorca anyway?

Cain: It's a Spanish island in the Mediterranean Sea.

Banter: Spanish? You mean, like, Mexican?

Cain: No I mean like Spanish.

"Remedy" by the Black Crowes begins to play. On each of the main guitar riffs, gold fireworks of increasing size explode at the main entrance point. RDV walks through said explosions.

Sammy: And his opponent, from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, weighing in at 205lbs....ROOOOOB DAAAAAT VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!

The crowd pops for the popular veteran as he slides into the ring and squares up to J.E. Outside the ring, The Titan remains seated and stoic.

Tex: You have to wonder what affect The Titan will have on this match - if J.E. and RDV are smart, they'll keep things nice and clean to avoid his wrath.

Cain: Can RDV afford to go easy in this match with his injury though?

Tex: Good point, Isaiah. RDV was injured last week by the ruthless attacks of Drakus. His neck is a big weak spot and the longer he fights, the more danger he's going to be in. What's his strategy going in, do you think?

Cain: Be fast, be nimble, keep J.E. on his toes and steal the win. J.E. is inexperienced but his attacks are powerful; RDV needs to keep out of the firing line.

The bell rings and, immediately, J.E. darts in and gets a quick arm drag. He holds on for the arm-bar, but RDV twists around, almost putting himself in a hammerlock as he uses his body to flip J.E. over into a modified back-body-drop and flexes over for the pin...

One...

But J.E. kicks right out.

Cain: And that's what I'm talking about; RDV has to win, and win quick if he wants to avoid injury.

Banter: You guys are so boring - talking about strategy and injuries. Can't you see Jess at ringside?

Tex: The Titan sure can, I don't think his eyes have left J.E.'s girlfriend yet.

Banter: No wonder...

Cain: The question is whether he's watching her because of what she's wearing or because he expects her to interfere.

In the ring, J.E. charges RDV but receives a drop-toe-hold for his trouble and RDV hops forward into a side-headlock. JE manages to get to his feet and attempts to suplex RDV out of the hold, but the agile veteran lands on his feet.

Tex: RDV's flexibility never ceases to amaze me.

RDV grabs a sleeper and J.E. struggles for a few seconds. He tries to reach for the ropes, but can't get them and, immediately, Jess begins climbing onto the apron to help her man.

Cain: I wouldn't do that, Jess...

The Titan is standing up now and levels a finger at Jess, giving her a significant look. The crowd laughs as she catches his eye and visibly pales before climbing back down from the ring with an abashed look.

J.E. finally reaches the ropes and the hold is broken. RDV steps back into the middle of the ring and rolls his arms, loosening his muscles while J.E. recovers.

Tex: RDV looks fairly calm here, biding his time for the moment to strike.

Cain: Again, that may not be the soundest plan. He needs to keep on his younger opponent and cut this match as short as possible.

As RDV moves in, J.E. catches him with a right hand to the gut and whips him off the ropes. RDV ducks his clothesline on the way back, but on his second trip across the ring, J.E. grabs a huge powerslam and covers...

One...


Two...

And RDV kicks out!

Banter: That was close!

Cain: So far, it looks like J.E. is doing what he can, but RDV had better pray that he doesn't get control of this match and start working on his neck.

J.E. stomps RDV down and then picks him up for a snap suplex. He attempts a cover, but RDV rolls his shoulder straight up. Cursing, J.E. picks RDV up again and drops him with a scoop slam before dropping a leg on his injured neck.

Tex: And there it is - you can see RDV writhing in pain from that move.

Cain: And no wonder, if we can see a replay from Friction last week...

The screen changes to show the elimination of RDV from his match against Drakus and Stan DeVille, with Drakus hitting an inverted choke slam to take him out with possible broken neck.

Tex: Well, fortunately, RDV's neck wasn't broken by the brutal assault from Drakus and he was cleared to compete tonight, but he's far from one hundred percent.

J.E. snaps on a front-facelock and RDV's pain is audible, but he manages to reverse out into an armbar. J.E. rolls through however and trips RDV. He attempts a cover but gets nothing.

Cain: J.E. is beginning to target the neck area. The rookie could pick up his first win tonight if he keeps this up.

J.E. whips RDV into the corner and follows in with a clothesline. He immediately begins choking his opponent drawing loud boos from the crowd. The referee moves in to break it up but has to physically force J.E. to remove his hands.

Banter: Now <i>that's</i> how you get ahead!

Tex: Perhaps, but he's not winning over any fans with that kind of behaviour.

Banter: Fans, shmans. It's the win that counts, not what these goons in the audience think.

As RDV stumbles out of the corner with a hand on his neck, J.E. shows no mercy, kicking him in the stomach and bringing him down with a brutal DDT.

Tex: Oh! And RDV is in trouble here!

J.E. covers...

One...



Two...



Th...and RDV gets a shoulder up!

Banter: Damn!

Tex: RDV was perilously close to losing this there. The rookie J.E. is in firm control of this match.

J.E. picks RDV up and gets an Irish whip, ducking down for a back-body-drop, but RDV telegraphs it and kicks him in the chest, following up with a big belly-to-belly to a huge pop. He covers...

One...



Two...


But J.E. kicks out!

Cain: Not enough. RDV is using his experience to his advantage, but J.E. is young and hungry and it's going to take a lot to stop him.

RDV begins to mount a comeback with a series of kicks and a monkey flip. He attempts a leg drop, but J.E. moves out of the way and rolls ‘round to his feet and gets a sleeper.

Tex: Uh oh, this is not where RDV wants to be!

RDV attempts to struggle out of the hold, but he can't and J.E. tightens his grip. Slowly, RDV's face begins to redden and his eyes flutter close. The referee approaches and lifts his hand...

If falls once...



Twice...



But stays in the air a third time! The fans begin to cheer as RDV elbows his way out and fights back. As J.E. staggers back after a right hand to the face, RDV draws energy from the crowd and clotheslines J.E. down.

Tex: And now we're seeing a big comeback! RDV is going to take J.E. to school!

Another clothesline and RDV is pumped up. J.E. staggers to his feet and RDV hops up for a hurricanrana that sends him tumbling across the ring. Jess is up on the apron though and shouting at the referee. The Titan attempts to warn her to come down, but she can't be persuaded.

Banter: Haha...and this is how smart J.E. is - always keep a beautiful woman at ringside.

RDV launches himself off the ropes with a huge lionsault and pins J.E., but the referee is too busy dealing with Jess...

Tex: Oh come on!

The Titan finally looses his patience and reaches right up and grabs Jess around the waist. She screams as the crowd cheers and Titan carries her back to his seat. He plants her firmly down and points a warning finger at her. Terrified, she remains in the chair.

The referee finally turns around and counts the pin...

One...



Two...



No! J.E. kicks out!

Tex: This match should have been over right there. J.E. is damn lucky he has someone at ringside.

As J.E. remains on the mat, RDV goes for another lionsault, but this time J.E. moves and he eats canvas. J.E, looking exhausted, waits for RDV to rise and then kicks him in the gut before flipping him up onto his shoulders...

Cain: JE Bomb...no!

RDV manages to flip over J.E.'s shoulders and into a sunset flip...

One...


Two...

Another kick out!

J.E. is up and kicks RDV in the midsection again. The veteran is doubled over...

Banter: Here it comes!

Tex: J.E. is going for the Scissor Kick...

J.E. comes off the ropes with the kick, but RDV moves and, as J.E.'s balance is thrown off, he gets a leg lariat. The crowd cheers as RDV raises his hand and signals for the Full Tilt.

Cain: Could be all over here!

RDV grabs a full nelson, but J.E. manages to escape and kicks back, striking RDV hard in the gut.

Tex: Another try perhaps?

J.E. sees that RDV is doubled over and immediately bounces off the ropes, and this time he gets the Scissor Kick, striking RDV hard on the back of the neck.

Cain: And that's all she wrote...RDV looks like he's knocked out.

J.E. covers...

One...



Two...



Thre....no! RDV kicks out at the last possible instant!

Tex: My God, how did he survive that?

The crowd are cheering loudly as the frustrated J.E. stands up and hefts RDV up into a brainbuster. He covers again...

One...



Two...



Th...and another kick out!

Banter: This is ridiculous!

Cain: RDV's tenacity is incredible. Even with an injured neck he's still got the guts to keep fighting.

J.E. finally seems to snap, making a ‘no more' gesture with his hands and waiting for RDV to stand. He grabs him around the waist and lifts him up onto his shoulders...

Tex: A JE Bomb - he didn't get it last time, but he might here...oh no!

RDV backflips off his larger opponent's shoulders, not landing perfectly, but throwing J.E. off balance. He takes a step back...

Cain: The Low Bridge!

RDV nails the superkick from nowhere and collapses into a cover...

One...



Two...



Three!!!

Sammy: Here is your winner....ROOOOOB DAAAAT VAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!

(Winner: RDV)

The crowd cheers for the veteran as he groggily has his hand raised. The Titan departs the ringside area as Jess runs to check on J.E.

Tex: What a match - RDV's toughness and heart won him the day against the rookie.


Mon Aug 07, 2006 6:45 am
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Post Frost/Kojack/Flehr Announcement & Jabbar vs Yasmin
We cut to a bar where Blitzkrieg is sitting and talking about how drunk they are, and how cool they are for taking the show off, but then Jason Fragg walks in.

Kojack: Why hello there.

Jason Fragg: Ms. Stern had a message for you.

Kojack: I'm cool with older than women.

Jason Fragg: She knew you would say that and told me to ignore it, but she sent me to inform you that if you don't show up to face Dick Flehr at the next PPV (two shows away) then not only will you be fired but the Canuck Title will be handed to Dick Flehr on a silver platter.

She also said not to get too drunk because next show one of your opponents is the massive Titan.

Fragg then walks casually out of the bar, as Frost is laughing with a stunned Kojack.

Frost: Ouch.

Kojack: Ain't that a bitch.

Tex: Too bad for Kojack...

Cain: Yeah really....

Banter: This IS a tragedy, poor Kojack...

Cain: Well this next match is sure to be a crazy one.

Tex: To say the least.

Eubanks: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is a bra and panties match where the loser will not only be stripped down to their underwear, but will be forced to serve as the winner's butler or maid until the next TCW televised event!

"Stand Back!"

Cheesy 80s music starts playing as Muhammad Jabbar walks out onto the stage with Mutaaz Tareef walking right behind him and doing the Outsider pointing thing. Jabbar is wearing his traditional Middle Eastern attire (lots of sheets) while Hammer has a black turban on to match his brand new black Muslim Megastar t-shirt and black pants.

"I was just a boy, everybody told me
What I should do, who I should be
I got so much advice I finally had to say Stand Back!"

Tex: What the hell is that music he's coming out to?

IC: I don't know, but that voice sounds like something I've heard in my nightmares.

They never understood the kind of man I am
I do my own thinking, I've got a lot of big plans, Stand Back!
Stand Back! Stand Back!
All of you who wanna bring me down I'll have you
Stand in my way, I'll promise you'll lose, Stand Back!
Stand Back! Stand Back!

Eubanks: Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Mutaaz Tareef, from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, weighing in at 125 pounds, Muhammad Jabbar!

Vince McMahon continues making an ass of himself as Jabbar steps into the ring and starts praying. Hammer makes his way over towards the announce table and is greeted by Banter.

Banter: Guys, stand up! We are in the presence of greatness! Mr. Tareef, it is an honor to have you here at ringside.

Tex: Give me a break...

Hammer: Thank you, Brother Banter! Tex, Isaiah, nice to see you guys.

Banter: So is Mr. Jabbar ready to go for this match or not?

Hammer: I guarantee you that Muhammad Jabbar is going to...

*After finishing his prayers, Jabbar starts shaking his tailfeather to the music*

Tex: Wow.

Hammer: Um...as you can tell, Muhammad Jabbar is in very good spirits tonight and ready to take on Yasmin in this critical encounter!

Tex: Critical?

Hammer: Yes, critical. How would you like to be Ghetto Grass's butler?

Tex: I wouldn't.

Hammer: Then you see my point!

La da da da da da La, Da Daaa,
La da da da, La da da da, La da da daaa

IC: There is only one faction in wrestling fit to come out to this kind of music, and here they are!

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
my room is still messed up and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
cause I got high, cause I got high, cause I got high!

La da da da da da da da da

Eubanks: And his opponent...accompanied to the ring by Stoner, Alexxx & Ghetto Fire, from San Jose, California, weighing in at 101 pounds...Yasmin!

The crowd comes to their feet and cheers on the valet of Ghetto Grass as she makes her way to the ring with the Ghetto Grass kids following her. It should be noted that Yasmin is wearing her new green Ghetto Grass t-shirt with a black skirt for the match.

Tex: Hammer, how can you turn your back on a pack of adorable kids like that?

Hammer: Adorable? You obviously haven't been in the bathroom after they have!

Banter: I apologize for my broadcast colleagues, Mr. Tareef...they know not of what they speak.

Hammer: I understand Brother Banter, they are biased against me just like all the other racists and Muslim haters worldwide.

IC: Hammer, it's not your race or religion I disagree with, it's your newfound affiliation with Infinity.

Hammer: Isaiah, you and I go way back. Why you gotta start hating now, huh?

Banter: Yeah, why?

Hammer: I am a former Tag Team Champion, a two time ECF Transcontinental Champion and a former ECF E-Champion, not to mention a Muslim Megastar! I think I deserve a little bit of respect around here.

Banter: I respect you, Mr. Tareef.

Tex: Oh for heaven's sake!

Yasmin & Ghetto Grass forgo entering the ring and make their way towards the announce table, where Referee William Freeman cuts them off and keeps them from attacking Hammer. For his part, Hammer remains seated at the announce table and tries to ignore them.

Hammer: These guys need to realize that tonight they're not facing the Hammer. They're facing a man who has been through wars, a man who was a freedom fighter in the Middle East, a man of great intelligence and...what the hell is he doing?

Jabbar is mounting the top turnbuckle, and preparing to dive onto Ghetto Grass on the outside...unfortunately by the time he flies off, everybody is able to scatter away and there is no water in Jabbar's pool.

Tex: BY GAWD, JABBAR WENT FOR EVERYTHING, AND HE GOT NOTHING!

IC: That man must be at least 50 years old, and he just hit the ground harder than MC Hammer's record sales!

Hammer: That's a low blow.

Tex: Why don't you go check on your spiritual advisor, Hammer?

Banter: You idiot, Mr. Tareef is not the kind of man that interferes in wrestling matches, like those punk Ghetto Grass kids do all the time!

Hammer: Yeah, what he said.

Jabbar remains motionless on the floor, but Yasmin is ready to pick him up and toss him into the ring...

Tex: Hammer, people are saying that the whole reason this match is happening is because you are afraid to take on one of the Ghetto Grass members one on one...

Hammer: Tex, that couldn't be further from the truth.

Tex: But ever since you joined Infinity, you seem to have been going out of your way to avoid Ghetto Grass...

Hammer: Listen, the only reason I'm not wrestling tonight is because I am not in 100% physical condition. I've been in Flaming Tables matches, TLC matches, any other kind of match you want to name lately! Can't a brother have a night off?

Banter: Yeah, can't a brother have a night off?

The bell rings as Yasmin rolls Jabbar into the ring. Jabbar is starting to stir, but Yasmin still manages to get the upper hand by stomping away on him as Ghetto Grass cheers on at ringside!

IC: You know, I think Yasmin could go ahead and strip Jabbar right now, but I think she wants to have a little bit of fun here tonight before doing so!

Hammer: She better not count her chickens before they're hatched. I don't know how many times I told those kids to not showboat in their matches.

Tex: That's rich coming from the guy who brought back the Ali Shuffle!

Hammer: I can afford to showboat because I'm just that damn good. These kids are not there yet, especially Yasmin, who isn't even a wrestler!

IC: Wrestler or not, she is taking it to your spiritual advisor and wannabe movie director right now!

Yasmin pauses from the beatdown, goes over to the corner and gets a big smooch from Stoner while the fans hoot and holler.

Hammer: I didn't teach them that!

Tex: Weren't you spotted in a sex shop with Yasmin & Alexxx a few days back?

Hammer: What kind of a question is that?

Banter: Shut up, Tex! Mr. Jabbar, I am so sorry for my partner, he's a little bit retarded.

Tex: The only person retarded around here is-

IC: I hate to break up this argument, but Jabbar just attacked Yasmin from behind!

Indeed, Jabbar took advantage of Yasmin's temporary distraction and is now rabbit punching her while she lies face down on the mat. He picks her up, gouges her in the eyes, and then comes off the ropes with a spear.

Hammer: There we go!

IC: You'd really like to have Yasmin as your maid, wouldn't you?

Hammer: Hey, that talking can of soda suggested that deal. I could use a good massage though...my back is killing me!

Tex: Why don't you get Brother Banter to do it?

Banter: Why don't you kiss my-

IC: Wait a minute, Jabbar's going for the top!

He's going for it, but Yasmin stops him with a kick to the nether regions.

Tex: Two points!

Hammer: I didn't teach-no, wait a minute, I did teach them that. Never mind.

Yasmin goes outside the ring and is handed a large object by Ghetto Fire. She takes it into the ring, and as Jabbar slowly rises to his feet, knocks him back down by hitting him right across the head with...

IC: What is that, a bong?

Hammer: That's the bong I gave her for her anniversary!

Tex: Looks like Jabbar just got bonged across the head, hahahahahaha!

Banter: How long have you been waiting to use that line anyway?

Hammer: OK, now she's gone and pissed me off...I'll be damned if they're going to use something I gave them as a weapon!

Hammer takes off his headset and jumps up out of his chair...

Tex: Where's he going?

Banter: He probably got tired of your bad jokes.

IC: Mutaaz Tareef is now up on the ring apron, Referee Freeman is over with him...wait a minute, what's this?

"What's this?" is Stoner coming over to Hammer's side of the ring and yanking him by the ankle causing Hammer to fall face first into the apron!

Tex: Get him, Stoner!

IC: Stoner has yanked Hammer off the apron! The rest of Ghetto Grass is over there now, and the referee is trying to keep them from causing further damage...wait a minute, a fan has jumped the barricade!

Indeed, what appears to be a female wrestling fan has jumped over the rail and entered the ring. She attacks Yasmin from behind, striking her across the back with a steel chair!

Tex: Damn it, somebody get security out here! Where is Ghetto Grass?

Banter: You idiot, they're right here in front of us! They're still trying to get at Hammer and can't see what's going on in the ring!

IC: She's stripping Yasmin! Can we please get some security out here?

The woman who can not be identified from this camera angle finishes ripping Yasmin's t-shirt and skirt and exits the ring. As she moves up the ramp, we finally get a close-up...

Tex: BY GAWD! That's Jessica Alba!

IC: Jessica Alba just stripped Yasmin! Jabbar is barely moving on the canvas, but the referee sees it....he's ringing the bell!

Tex: But Jabbar didn't strip Yasmin!

Banter: What are you talking about, he just won the match fair and square!

Eubanks: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner...Muhammad Jabbar!

(Winner: Jabbar)

The crowd boos and starts throwing garbage towards Jabbar, the referee, and Hammer, who has finally made his way back to the announce booth while Ghetto Grass checks on the dazed Yasmin.

Hammer: What happened?

Tex: What happened? Your girlfriend just came out here and won the match for Jabbar!

Hammer: Huh? Tex, have you been drinking again?

Banter: I think he has, Mr. Tareef!

IC: The important thing here is that Yasmin has lost this match by suspicious means, and she will now be serving as Muhammad Jabbar's maid!

Yasmin appears crestfallen as she is helped back up, and realizes that she lost the match. Immediately after standing up, she goes after Jabbar, who is holding himself up with the top rope over in the corner. After striking him in the back of the head, she yanks Jabbar's sheets off to reveal...

IC: Oh...my...God.

Tex: BRA AND PANTIES! BRA AND PANTIES ON JABBAR!

Banter: I don't believe what I just saw...Hammer?

Mutaaz Tareef looks at the disgusting display of his spiritual advisor in a pink bra & panties he apparently picked up from Victoria's Secret with a look of utter disbelief.

IC: For the first time since I have known him, Mutaaz Tareef is speechless!

Banter: Damn it, can't we cut to a commercial or something?

Tex: I agree, Banter, we don't need to see anymore of this! I hope they don't kick us off the air!

IC: We'll be back!


Mon Aug 07, 2006 6:52 am
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Post Stallion Promo & Freya vs Shadow vs Kermit
The camera cuts to show Tony Mancini backstage standing opposite interviewer Big Nose Kate. She visibly adjusts her top to show more cleavage when she observes Stallion looking at her breasts.

BNK: So...Tony...or can I call you ‘Stallion'?

Stallion: Isn't it usually the other way ‘round?

BNK: I prefer Stallion.

She glances down towards his crotch and gives him a significant look which causes the Italian to grin in response. They don't say anything for second before Kate recovers herself and starts speaking again.

BNK: So...uh...Stallion...we haven't heard anything from your partner for the upcoming match since he returned to our screens last month. Do you have information regarding the whereabouts of Dean Dyer?

Stallion: No, Kate, no I haven't.

He turns to the camera.

Stallion: And let me tell you that I don't give a damn! I'm not going to wait around on some has-been to watch my back. I'm the f'n Stallion and I fight my own battles!

BNK: Do you mean to say that you're going to fight Supreme and Naberus by yourself?

Stallion turns back to Kate and smiles, causing her to fan herself with her hand as she becomes flustered.

Stallion: If I have to take on that freak Naberus by myself, I got no problem. And who's scared of Supreme? He walked away from the Transcontinental Championship to do whatever dumb stuff a guy like him does. No, I think I can handle this one. And I...

He trails off as he realises that Kate's eyes have gone wide in terror.

Stallion: What...what's up...?

He turns around and the camera follows his gaze, but everything becomes indistinct as a huge shape barrels towards Stallion and Kate.

BNK: *Screams*

The cameraman tries to focus on whatever's going on, but only a strange, blue surface is visible, accompanied by the sounds of extreme violence and a kind of low, mournful moaning. Seconds later, the chaos clears and we see Kate standing against the wall, a look of horror on her face.

BNK: Wh...what was that....?

At her feet, surrounded by plaster from the wall he has just been smashed into lies the unconscious form of Stallion. The camera spins around, looking for whatever did this, but all that is visible is a huge shape moving off rapidly down a corridor.

Seconds later, two men arrive on the scene. One is Supreme and the other is much smaller and looks shabby and worried.

Small man: Jesus fu...

He glances at the camera and amends his words.

Small man: Friggin Christ...did ye see which way he went, Tony?

Supreme looks down at Stallion and then after the trail of destruction.

Supreme: That way...

Nodding grimly, they both move off camera after whatever it was that took out Stallion. As the camera focuses in on the unconscious Tony Mancini, it is clear he's not going to be fit for a match tonight.

Tex: It looks like his tag match is off the card!

Cain: Now it's time to look at a Majestic Cup match that is ON the card without a SHADOW of a doubt.

GROOOAN

Banter: That was a horrible joke, wow that was shitty.

Tex: Well any human excrement shall be burned in this next fiery slobberknocker.

The bell rings as attention focuses back to the center of the arena for our next match.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, this following three-way contest is set for one fall and is an INFERNO MATCH!!!

"Those that stand against me shall soon fall before me!" An instrumental version of Let Me Fly by DMX begins to play only the chorus is repeated three times until lights got out smoke fills the rampway, and the houselight go out. Shadow's masked face appears on screen white floodlight start to flash and finally the man walks to the top of the rampway and turns his back on the crowd. He's wearing a leather trench with the same Crow and Phoenix logo as the one on his chest. He slowly rolls his neck and turns forward walking a third of the way down the ramp before lifting the sign for the Reality Check (The middle and ring finger split into a v with the index and pinkie curled at the base) into the sky amid a chorus of boos. He lowers the sign and rolls his shoulder slowly making his way to the ring. Yu and Ai dutifully follow his lead, taking little notice of the crowd.

Announcer: Introducing first, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania...SHADOW!!!

When Shadow reaches the apron, he climbs the top turnbuckle and stands tall with his arms crossed staring towards the rampway awaiting his two opponents.

The lights dim as a drum rift echoes through the arena. At brass blast, pyro erupts from the stage as Kermit enters. Kermit walks slowly to the ring with an arrogant smile on his face, lightly snapping his fingers to the beat of the music.

"Hey pachuco!

Summer 43 the mans gunnin for me
Blue and white mean war tonight
They say damn my pride and all
The other cats livin down eastside
Or maybe just my brims too wide

Oooh marie you better grab my jack
And zip gun for me
And Ill face no shame
cause tonights the night I die for our name"

Announcer: And his first opponent, from Chicago, Illinois, KERMIT!!!!!

When the music slows, Kermit is on the apron and takes off his jacket. He tosses his hat into the crowd with a casual wrist flick.

"Well I'd like to be swingin
Dancin and singin, just havin a time
Free to do whatever, now more than ever
Ive gotta stick with that gang of mine"

He enters the ring when the music picks up, ready for a brawl, but with the same smile on his face, with one eye on Shadow and one eye on the ramp awaiting their third dance partner.

"In Too Deep" by Sum 41 barks through the sound system. A low-key lightshow announces the arrival of Freya as she walks through the curtain. She gives the fans a few signals before beginning her journey to the ring.

Announcer: And their opponent...from Oxford, United Kingdom...FREYA GREEN!!!!

Freya ascends the ring steps, eyeing her two opponents carefully. She is hesitant to step into the ring by herself, but knows the battle that she has to face at this point. She steps through the top and middle ropes and the bell rings as officials light the kerosene lighters around the ring, immediately igniting a wall of fire surrounding the three competitors.

Cain: Well, ladies and gentlemen, we're in for a brutal match here. This is inferno rules, which means that the only way in which you can win is to set both your opponents on fire!

Banter: Should be a good one. I smell some barbecue chick on the way. All we need is some cornbread...

All three wrestlers eye their surroundings uneasily. Yu and Ai have stepped halfway up the ramp and an official attmepts to coax them to the back. They both glare at him, causing him to back off. They eventually journey up the ramp on their own.

Kermit makes the first move by starting toward Freya. Freya crouches into a defensive stance and Kermit raises his hands, grinning. Kermit offers his hand in friendship, immediately drawing boos from the crowd. Freya eyes Kermit suspiciously and refuses to shake. Kermit becomes indignant, placing his hands on his hips. He's about to say something when Shadow delivers a stiff kick to the back of the head, sending Kermit forward. Freya ducks out of the way as Kermit hits the turnbuckle face-first. Kermit tries to shake it off, but Shadow stays on him with a few punches and a monkey flip out of the corner. Kermit clutches his back as Shadow now turns toward Freya.

Cain: And Shadow is the first to strike!

Banter: That's what Infinity does, baby.

Shadow stalks Freya around the ring now. Freya seeks an opening to fend him off and finds it as Kermit returns the favor with an axe handle across Shadow's shoulders. Kermit and Shadow exchange punches and chops as Freya contemplates her first move.

Tex: Folks, this match may end up getting confusing. Only one person can win-

Banter: One MAN.

Tex: -One person can win, so this match will have elimination rules. The first to be set on fire will be eliminated from the match, and then the remaining two will battle to set one another on fire! There must be one winner!

Cain: Ooh! And Freya finally makes her first mark on the match with a killer double body block!

Both Kermit and Shadow are ailing on the mat as Freya crouches back into her stance. Shadow is the first to begin climbing to his feet and Freya moves in. She delivers a few kicks to the head before whipping Shadow to the ropes. Shadow ducks a high kick, stops, and as Freya turns around Shadow back kicks her in the face, sending her to the mat.

Kermit is now back to his feet and moves toward Shadow. The two exchange punches once again and Kermit is able to back Shadow into the corner, Kermit whips Shadow to the other corner and charges. Shadow rises to the second buckle and launches, but Kermit ducks. Shadow rolls into a crouch in a neutral corner. Kermit smiles as he turns back toward the ring and is met with a spinning heel kick from Freya!

Tex: This has been fast-paced so far! No one has a clear advantage yet!

Freya keeps working on Kermit as Shadow is content to watch for the moment. Freya hits a few kicks to the midsection as Kermit braces himself in the corner. Freya climbs onto the second rope and delivers a few kicks to the face for good measure. Kermit stumbles forward, stunned, and Freya runs behind to deliver a bulldog, planting Kermit on the mat. Shadow is already moving, ascends the ropes in one leap and launches a surprise moonsault. Freya turns around just in time to receive the full brunt of the impact.

Banter: Haha, like a cobra baby!

Cain: Shadow with a surprise move!

Shadow pulls Freya back up by her hair and half-drags her to the ropes. He surveys the flames towering outside before looking back at his ailing opponent.

Tex: This could be our first elimination!

Kermit now moves in again, surprising both with a double clothesline. Shadow slumps to the mat while Freya teeters slightly on the ropes. Kermit tries to capitalize by grabbing her legs, but Freya has enough of her bearings to lock in a headscissors and roll Kermit across the ring. Kermit leans against the ropes, growing visibly frustrated.

Freya moves toward Kermit, who pulls himself to his feet in time to block her punches. She spins for a back kick, but Kermit catches her at the ankle, gives her a look, reaches under her arm and plants her on the mat with a varied pump-handle slam. Freya clutches her back, but Kermit doesn't let up. He now straddles her and delivers a series of fierce punches to her skull.

Tex: Don't say one damn word, Banter.

Banter: What? I'm sure Kermit runs a prostitution ring!

Kermit pulls Freya up and whips her to the ropes. Freya is met with a dropkick on the way back. Kermit drops an elbow and locks in a modified crossface.

Tex: I don't think Kermit should really be trying to wear his opponents down like this.

Banter: Why not?

Shadow ascends the second turnbuckle.

Tex: That's why.

Shadow launches, and Kermit moves. Freya is on the receiving end of a flying legdrop. Before Shadow can recover, Kermit clotheslines him down.

Banter: Everything's fine.

Kermit now pulls Shadow to his feet and sends him reeling to the corner with a flurry of punches. A quick whip to the opposite corner and a subsequent standing splash causes Shadow to stumble forward (apologies for alliterating...haha). Sensing an opportunity, Kermit follows up with a quick ascent up the ropes and hits a 720 DDT!

Cain: Kermit hit the Drive-By on Shadow!!

Tex: This could be the end for Shadow!

Banter: You both suck!

Smirking, Kermit pulls Shadow to his feet and leads him to the ropes. Shadow is leaned on the ropes as Kermit picks up Shadow's legs with the intent to flip him into the flames. Kermit raises him higher...higher...

But Freya hits a running clothesline and Kermit looses his balance! Shadow drops back to the canvas, but Kermit falls out of the ring! Kermit stands, groggy, and dusts himself off...and realizes that his arm is on fire!! Kermit frantically tries to put it out as officials move in with the fire extinguishers.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen...KERMIT HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!

Kermit coughs and waves away the cloud of dust left by the fire extinguisher, openly cursing both his opponents as he is led to the back.

Meanwhile, Freya tries to capitalize on what Kermit set up for her. Freya pulls Shadow to his feet, leans him on the ropes, and tries to push him over into the fire. Shadow has had some time to recover now, and hits a few elbows to Freya's gut. Freya backs off just enough for Shadow to hit a short-jump elbow smash. Both are back down.

Tex: I can only imagine how exhausted these two must be...working up a sweat and having the ring surrounded by such intense heat on top of that!

Both wrestlers use the ropes for leverage as they attempt to stand. Shadow is the first to land a punch. Freya answers with one of her own. They exchange a few more, but Freya wins the battle and whips Shadow to the ropes. However, Freya follows Shadow in to use his momentum. In a moment of instinct, Shadow wraps her in a headlock and both fall to the floor. Officials move in on both, extinguishers at the ready. Shadow bats at his now-flaming left leg, and Freya gestures toward her burning arm! Both are quickly put out.

Banter: Well...who won?

A few attending referees consult one another a few feet up the ramp to keep away from the flames. Two get into a visibly angry confrontation, but are calmed by the others. Both Freya and Shadow are ushered away from the fire in order to catch some rest. Finally, one referee makes his way to the announcer.

Tex: I guess we have a decision.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, I have just been informed by the referee that there is no sure way to tell which of the two competitors caught fire first. Therefore, it has been ruled that Freya and Shadow are co-winners of this match!!

Tex: You know what else that means, Banter?

Banter: Yeah...

Announcer: As a result, both Freya and Shadow advance in the Majestic Cup Tournament!!

(Winners: Freya & Shadow)

The crowd has a mixed reaction...positive for Freya but negative for Shadow. Both are helped to the back to receive further medical attention.

Tex: Let's have a commercial here shall we?

Hammer (voiceover): When you're a boxing legend

*footage of Frank Stallone knocking a bitch out*

Hammer (voiceover): a wrestling icon

*footage of Mutaaz Tareef doing the Burning Hammer to a bitch*

Hammer (voice over): and a Muslim Megastar

*footage of Hammer praying in the ring, followed by Hammer himself walking on-screen*

Hammer: there's only one place to get what you need.

*S-Mart logo flashes on the screen*

Hammer: This week at S-Mart, get your brand-new Muslim Megastar t-shirt for only twenty dollars! And don't forget to pick up the first ever Infinity t-shirt! It's what all the cool kids will be wearing at school this year, the official t-shirts of the best wrestlers in world! And you can only get them at...

Jingle singers: S-Mart! Where we have...a heart!


Mon Aug 07, 2006 6:58 am
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Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 8:17 pm
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Location: Cali,Bitch
Post Strikmore vs Ghetto & Mac vs Hardy
Banter: That commercial is godlike.

IC: Well this next match is satanlike.

Tex: Well, folks...I have to tell you here that if the kids are still up, now might be the time to put them to bed.

Banter: Haha! Fantastic!

Cain: In all seriousness, this match is not suitable for general audiences. If you are offended by extreme violence, life-threatening situations or are of an overly sensitive nature, please change the channel now.

Sammy Eubanks: The following contest is a SUICIDE SCAFFOLD MATCH!

The crowd cheers, though the reaction is a little muted due to some confusion. In the ring, a scaffold extending approximately twenty feet into the air has been erected while, near to Sammy's feet are scattered a few hundred thumbtacks.

Sammy: The object of the match is to scale the scaffold and, once at the top, throw your opponent off it. Alternatively, any competitor can win the match by willingly throwing themselves off the scaffold and onto the thumbtacks in the ring.

The crowd pops at the bizarre and bloodthirsty stipulations.

Tex: And I don't think I'd mind so much if Highone or Hardy were in this match, but the fans and everyone backstage loves Ghetto Fire and Matt Strikmore is a damn nice kid. This isn't going to be easy to watch.

The drum beats of "Battle of One" start as white lights strobe to the beat. The guitar riff starts, and blue strobes join the white lights. As the singer screams, Matt Strikmore makes his way through the entrance way. Wearing long brown tights with blue details, Matt rolls his neck before heading down the ramp. There's very little fanfare, just the occasional slapping of a fans hand without looking away from the ring. Sliding under the bottom rope, Matt quickly jumps back up to his feet before lightly jogging in place while shaking out his arms.

Sammy: In the ring, from Wildwood, New Jersey, weighing in at 220 lbs...MAAAATT STRIIIIIIIIIKEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!

Banter: Why are the fans cheering for this guy anyway? I don't see anything special about him.

Tex: Well, Strikmore is our newest addition to the roster, but already he's begun attracting a solid fan base due to his no-nonsense approach to competition and a healthy, sportsmanlike attitude.

Banter: He sounds boring.

"The Suffering" begins to play and, a few seconds later, Ghetto Fire walks out onto the entrance ramp with a smile on his face and a hop in his step.

Cain: This extreme match stipulation suits Ghetto Fire's hardcore style, I think.

Tex: That's true, but nobody can claim ‘Suicide Scaffold Match' as a speciality, I don't think.

Sammy: And approaching the ring, from Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, weighing in at 245 lbs....he is a member of Ghetto Grass....GHEEEEETTO FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!!!!!!!!!!

The reaction is typically loud for the popular wrestler as Ghetto Fire climbs into the ring and eyes the scaffold thoughtfully. Strikmore glances at the structure with a little more trepidation but extends his hand to his opponent regardless.

Ghetto accepts the handshake as the bell rings and the crowd cheers for the display of sportsmanship.

Strikmore starts off with a headlock takeover, surprising everyone by attempting a technical wrestling move in a match of this type. Ghetto scissors his head as he goes over though, but Strikmore kips up out of it. They exchange arm drags.

Tex: Well...that is interesting...

Strikmore whips Ghetto, who has to jump over the thumbtacks and then stops himself on the ropes to avoid going near them again. Strikmore gingerly walks around them and they lock up.

Banter: What are they doing?

Both men try to move back and forth slightly, but with the scaffold and the thumbtacks there isn't much room to actually wrestle and they break it up.

Cain: Sooner or later, they're going to have to climb up the scaffold...

Ghetto and Strikmore seemed to have reached the same conclusion as they stare at one another and they both walk to opposite sides of the structure and begin to climb it. Ghetto has a look of fierce determination but Strikmore looks a little more reluctant, frequently glancing down as he climbs.

Eventually they reach the top and both men stand for a second looking indecisive.

Banter: What's wrong with these guys? Don't they know how to wrestle?

Tex: I think the problem is more that they do know how to wrestle and they have no room to do it.

Strikmore shrugs and offers a lock-up with Ghetto accepts. Both men push against each other for a second before Ghetto's foot almost slips over the edge and he releases, jumping back in fright.

Banter: Come on!

Cain: It looks like Strikmore is checking if Ghetto is ok.

Banter: Why?!

Tex: He doesn't want to throw him off, Banter.

Banter: Why are we paying these people?!

Ghetto attempts an Irish whip, causing Strikmore to nearly fly off the scaffold, but he stops himself and grabs hold of the scaffolding and clutches it, ducking low to avoid falling. He shakes his head rapidly at the drop, making it clear that he has no intention of dropping.

Banter: Some suicide match this is going to be! Strikmore would make the worst goth ever.

Ghetto comes after Strikmore and clubs him across the back. He picks him up for a scoop slam but Strikmore manages to wriggle out and immediately backs off with his hands held up.

Banter: I can't believe we're watching a match where the two people in it don't want to hurt each other!

Tex: Well, this is a very unique stipulation.

Banter: Uniquely awful, maybe.

Ghetto offers a test of strength and Strikmore accepts. As soon as they link hands, however, Ghetto tries to manoeuvre Strikmore towards the edge of the platform and the rookie breaks off, looking offended. Ghetto can only shrug apologetically.

Strikmore looks annoyed, so grabs a side-headlock, but immediately realises that there isn't really anything he can do with it, so lets go and scratches his head.

Tex: Well, the crowd are certainly getting a kick out of this.

Banter: I'm glad someone is...

Ghetto kicks Strikmore in the gut and tried to drag him towards the edge, but Strikmore is able to get a grip and deftly back suplexes Ghetto. The impact shakes the whole structure though and both men immediately duck down and hang on for dear life.

Cain: No one wants to be the one to go off the scaffold.

Banter: No one wants anyone to go off the scaffold! This is ridiculous!

Once the structure becomes stable again, Strikmore slowly stands and moves towards the drop. He looks over for a few moments as if considering jumping.

Banter: Yes! Go on!

He places his hand on the scaffolding and steels himself, but, just as he's about to throw himself, Ghetto grabs him from behind and pulls him back, attempting to throw him off the other side.

Tex: It could be all over here!

Banter: Yes!

Ghetto muscles Strikmore over to the edge and pushes him, causing the rookie to teeter on the brink for a moment before grabbing Ghetto's shirt and trying to pull himself back on.

Cain: Not a wise move from Strikmore, perhaps.

Both men hang on the edge for a second, looking like they're about to fall off but eventually Ghetto regains his footing and pulls Strikmore back onto the scaffold with him. Both men stumble over and crouch low as the scaffold shakes again.

Ghetto is beginning to look frustrated and starts stomping Strikmore. He picks him up and scoop slams him - shaking the structure again - but Ghetto seems to be becoming increasingly fearless now.

Tex: There is a determination in the young man's eyes - he wants to win this.

Banter: I don't care who wins anymore, can someone just fall off please?

Ghetto picks Strikmore up and tries to throw him off the scaffold, but his opponent puts the brakes on and punches him in the stomach before catching Ghetto in a hurricanrana, almost sending him skidding off the edge.

Strikmore gets a gutbuster and then looks lost for a second, unsure of what to do next. Sighing heavily, he picks Ghetto up and drags him towards the edge.

Cain: Strikmore is about to win here, if he can bring himself to do what must be done.

Strikmore apparently can't and releases Ghetto who stumbles back behind him. Strikmore stands looking down at the thumbtacks below him and is clearly wondering just what he should do.

Tex: Strikmore should watch his back!

Ghetto, looking increasingly angry, charges Strikmore from behind and flips over his back.

Cain: Head Cutter!

Strikmore's head smashes into the wooden surface of the scaffold, but Ghetto has misjudged the distance and skids off the edge, only just managing to stop his descent with the tips of his fingers. Immediately Strikmore rushes to help his opponent, reaching down to grab his arm as Ghetto loses his grip.

Banter: He's helping him! Ghetto was going to fall and he caught him! THIS IS SO STUPID!

Strikmore desperately tries to hang onto the hand of the terrified-looking Ghetto, but his grip is gradually loosening and Ghetto eventually slips out and plunges down, landing hard on the thumbtacks.

Banter: Yay!

Tex: But who won?

Banter: Huh?

Cain: Ghetto's own move took him over the edge - both men have a claim to the victory.

The bell has been rung. Ghetto is unconscious with EMTs swarming around him while Strikmore is looking visibly pale as he stares down at his fallen opponent.

Sammy Eubanks: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has ruled that as Ghetto Fire did not intend to throw himself off the scaffold, the winner of this match is MAAAATT STRIIIIIIKEMOOOOOORE!!!

(Winner: Matt Strikmore)

The crowd cheers, but Strikmore doesn't look satisfied with the victory and his eyes still haven't left the prone form of Ghetto Fire.

IC: Wow we really need to cut to commercial.

<i>This is the voice of DJ Smooth your new favorite DJ! And I got that new fire, that's right the new voice of R&B is back! Eddie Isley and he's bringing in the new fire. Eddie Isley sings the hits, his own.

Eddie: "I'm in love wit a hooker, she's suckin and fuckin"

DJ Smooth: and other people's hits,

Eddie (singing off key and wrong) "Slow down, I just want to fuck you but don't turn around because the butter face of yours is getting to me."

DJ Smooth: That's right, Eddie's back and he's better than ever on his new album, Eddie Isley "Back and Better than Eva!" Featuring the new joint "Freakin my lady" with Chucky.

Eddie: Somebody's fucking my lady!

DJ Smooth: and other classics

Eddie: Sittin on the morning sun, I'll be sittin when the evening comes, watching the shit roll in and then I'll watch em roll away, I'm just sittin on the dock of the bay watching the time roll away, I'm sittin on the Dock of the bay wasting tiiiime. :attempts to whistle but can't:

DJ Smooth: Oh my God! Eddie Isley "Back and Better than Eva!" Go cop it now!

Stallion: This is the ladies man Stallion coming in and fellas if you want to get them drawers play Eddie Isley's "Back and Better than Eva"

DJ Smooth: Go to your record store, order online, or call now 1-800-745-6543 one CD $14.95, four cassettes $23.95 Eddie Isley "Back and Better than Eva" Go cop it now!</i>

Banter: That commercial was better than the thing that was shown at the beginning.

IC: Less frightening anyway.

Earlier in the day....

TI wants the placed somewhere before his match...

Titanium Insomniac sits alone in the plush Infinity locker room. The space is adorned with the finest of amenities that S-Mart has brought to their provider. TI himself reclines on the couch, sipping a bottle of water. One might expect bourbon or shiraz...he's no fool.

Another figure steps out from the corner of the room. TI's eyes indicate his awareness of the visitor. TI lowers the bottle from his lips.

TI: "I figured you'd be making an appearance this evening."

J: "How could I stay away? It's a big night. I'm just glad that your friends are occupied long enough for me to have this little chat."

TI: "What could we possibly need to chat about this close to my latest shining moment?"

Jeremiah finally steps into TI's line of vision, decked out in his usual air of absolute calm and confidence. TI doesn't bother to stand.

J: "I simply wanted to wish you luck. Can I not do that?"

TI: "I've been associated with you long enough to know that's not the only reason you're here."

Jeremiah chuckles.

J: "True. Very true."

Jeremiah now sits on the coffee table opposite TI, invading his space as he's been doing for months now. TI regards J with a displeasure that could cut an ordinary man right down the middle.

J: "I want you to picture something for me. Paint it in your head using any assortment of colors you find applicable. I have my own ideas, but you're creative enough that I don't have to set up a number system. Picture a silent gathering of thousands, even millions. People upon people, indistinguishable from one to the next, all wearing the same blank expression. They are marked by the absence of life...they could be corpses if one couldn't see that they're taking in breath.

Now, picture an absolutely tragic event before them: perhaps millions more being thrown into a furnace the size and intensity of the sun, perhaps the slow twist of a knife wielded by a paranoid husband in an innocent woman's skull...this scene replays for them, and they never flinch. They never gasp. They never call for help. They never CARE."

Jeremiah sits back, allowing a moment to hang between them. TI makes no effort to pull it down.

J: "The crowd doesn't react because they've seen it before, or because they forget what they see just as quickly as they see it. Who knows? But they sit there fixated because they anticipate something exciting to happen...and it never does.

"I approached you because the crowd needs to be jarred awake. What can they see that will finally end their anticipation? And are you still the one to bring it to them?"

Jeremiah stands and approaches the door. He is stopped by one final thought and turns back toward TI.

J: "And...really...in all sincerity...good luck."

Jeremiah is gone from the room just as quickly as he'd appeared. The Insomniac rests his chin on folded hands, contemplating his latest puzzle.

Banter: This show has been a freakshow...

Tex: Well things will go from freaky to fun in this next match.

Banter: Am I reading this correctly? An IKEA Carnage Match is up next?

IC: Emphasis on the carnage aspect no doubt based on the history of each of its participants, David Hardy and MacAvoy...

Tex: There's more than cheap furniture on the line here. This is also another match in the Majestic Cup Tournament!

The camera cuts to a wide shot of the crowd where a number of TCW personnel can be seen setting up various types of furniture around the ring. A wide variety of wooden weapons had already been scattered in the area, otherwise known as chairs, tables, armoires, standing mirrors, couches, and whatever else might be found in your average furniture store.

Banter: So what exactly is the deal here?

Tex: Well, basically, you win the match by scoring ten points; one point for a shot with a piece of furniture and three points for putting them through something, like a chair or funky table.

Banter: Where's my cut of the promotional fee?

IC: That reminds me....everyone, the following match is brought to you by...

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Tex: It looks like the crew is heading to the back. Go time, everyone!!

"One by One" by the Foo Fighters starts to play on the arena's speakers. MacAvoy walks out with his hoodie top covering his face, ignoring the fans on his way down the ramp. He is obvious to their booing. He stops right before entering the ring and spends a second eyeing the furniture to his left and right. After the brief pause, and a shrug, he rolls under the bottom rope and waits for his opponent. A few seconds go by, as the buzzing of crowd has become quite audible.

The arena lights slowly fade to black. After several moments, the heavy opening chords to their hit' "Everlasting Gaze" play. Multicolored spotlights flash from the entrance throughout the arena in tune with the symbol taps. Suddenly a huge Y2J-esque explosion erupts at the top of the ramp as the music kicks up. The music blasts for several seconds as a cloud of smoke covers the entranceway. Billy Corgan proceeds to sing.

"You know I'm not dead
You know I'm you know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead
You know I'm not dead...

Now you know where I've been
As you sleep shine I am..."

David Hardy finally steps through the curtain and onto the stage. He shakes his head, smirking cockily. He makes his way to each end of the stage, playing to the crowd.

Announcer: From West Vancouver, BC... DAVIIIIIIID HAAAAARRRRDYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

"Waiting down... patiently...
Born of love...
You know I'm, you know I'm not dead,
I'm just living in my head
Forever waiting
On the ways of your desire
You always find your way"

He makes a D-Generation X style crotch chop at the crowd causing a mixed response among smarks and marks alike. Stopping in the middle of the stage again, he hops a few times, loosening his joints before bounding down to the ring. With a smooth slide, he dives under the bottom rope to the middle of the ring. With a somersault, he springs to his feet and jumps onto the turnbuckles.

"And through it all, into us all you move
Forgotten touch, forbidden thought"

He stares out into the crowd, an emotionless glare drawn across his face. He nods slowly at whoever seems to appreciate his greatness. After a few moments of absorbing the crowd reaction, he raises his arms above his head in what could only be described as the Randy Orton post. Shortly afterwards, he steps to the very top rope and launches himself backwards. With a graceful backflip, he lands on his feet and bounces a few times.

"We can never, ever know
You know I'm not dead!"

After the ovation, Hardy shuffles over to his corner and rests against the turnbuckles. He opens and closes his injured hand and remains oblivious to everything until the rest of the match begins.

Tex: These Infinty guys must have a nice budget for entrances...

IC: With the S-Mart bank account, is there any doubt?

Hardy and MacAvoy stare each other down. There is no compassion in either man's eyes. These two are here to scrap. They waste little time, not even waiting for the bell, before they spring forward and start exchanging punches. By the time the "ding" makes the match official, MacAvoy has already gained the advantage and whips David into the nearest corner. He quickly follows up with a knife-edge chop, illiciting a "WOOOOOOO" from the crowd.

Tex: MacAvoy starts things out with a lot of aggression!

Before Mac can land another shot, Hardy drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring. He smiles and points a finger to his head, tapping his temple, to show the crowd his ring savvy. A mixture of booing and laughter is their response. MacAvoy is not amused and starts climbing in between the second and third rope, exiting the ring. David uses the momentary lapse of concentration to his advantage, grabbing a nearby Kautsby Chair....

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...and then smashing it over MacAvoy's head, causing the Californian to fall the rest of the way out of the ring and onto the floor.

IC: It looks like Infinity's favorite member between females age 14-18 wasn't bragging about his smarts simply because he avoided another chop....he actually had a plan! The score looks to be 1-0 Hardy...

Banter: At least he didn't use a stool of the "softened" variety...probably would've hurt less though.

David pulls MacAvoy up to his feet with a handful of hair. The co-RoXoR delivers a Stooge-style poke to his opponent's eyes, then takes a few steps back before launching himself headfirst into MacAvoy's jewels. The iProd/Flying Crotch Destroyer combo causes the 6'2", 250 lbs. man to fall back to the crowd.

Banter: He hit those testicles with the force of a powerful, pint-sized Zidane!!!

MacAvoy is still reeling from the crotch-shot as Hardy pulls him back up and rolls him on top of a Forsa dining table....

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David then climbs back up to the ring, make a small hop on to the second rope, and then launches himself off Lionsault-style. At the last minute, MacAvoy rolls out of the way, causing Hardy to crash and burn onto the table. However, the sturdy oak does not shatter, and only cracks. The lack of give in the material makes the impact even worse than it would have been normally.

Tex: That HAD to hurt!

Banter: Always master of the obvious...

IC: MacAvoy finds the energy to drag himself up to his feet. He jumps up to the ring apron.....ohhhhh....does a LionSault of his own!!!!!!! His body crashes down, smashing Hardy...and the rest of the table in the process! And like that, it's 3-1 MacAvoy!!

Tex: Both these men clearly have respect for the great Chris Jericho...

IC: ...although don't you think that was more of an Ultimo Dragon type move?

Tex: That's why he calls it the Avoy Moonsault.

Banter: While you two masturbate to your New Japan and Stampede Wrestling collections, I'm gonna watch this match unfolding in front of us...SOME of us are professional.

IC: But you just talked about masturbation...

Banter: My point exactly.

MacAvoy stands back up and removes a few pieces of wood covering the fallen form of David Hardy. He looks around, trying to find something else he can score a quick point with. The form of a futuristic looking floor lamp...

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He walks over and snatches it. By the time he turns, David has made it back onto his feet. This seems to matter little to MacAvoy. He attemps to smash the lighting device against Hardy's head, but the Canadian heartthrob ducks, and delivers a quick forearm to MacAvoy's jaw. The blow dazes him and causes the lamp to fall to the floor. David follows the shot up with a kick to his breadbasket, then grabs the hunched over MacAvoy and DDTs onto the lamp, which snaps in two.

Tex: I've got to believe that counts as a point! 3-2 MacAvoy...

IC: The DDT seemed to do more damage than the light fixture, but I imagine you're right.

Tex: If these guys end up destroying more than $10,000 worth of IKEA products, TCW will make a donation of the same amount to a local charity.

Banter: This is the Bahamas. What do they have? Daquiri-Drinkers' Anonymous?

MacAvoy begins crawling to his feet, but is quickly leveled by a Running Enziguiri from Hardy. David then decides to take the action back inside the ring. He grabs an Agerum Bookcase...

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...and slides it under the bottom rope. He then rolls MacAvoy inside. After climbing between the ropes, David walks over to the bookcase and leans it against one of the corners. He stands MacAvoy backs up and proceeds to whip him towards the finely crafted wooden piece, but MacAvoy manages to reverse the momentum, sending David hard into the bookcase!

Tex: Whoa! That thing splintered into a thousand pieces!

IC: Hardy might be lucky if his bones didn't do the same thing...

A shard of wood slices into Hardy's shoulder, giving the crowd their first taste of blood in the match.

Banter: I'm not math genius, but doesn't that make it 6-2 MacAvoy?

IC: He's doing things the smart way. Why pick up single points when you can get three at a time?

Since most of the bigger furniture is too bulky to get into the ring, MacAvoy decides to take the action back outside the squared circle. However, instead of showing Hardy the courtesy of being rolled out, he decides to toss the brash young superstar over the top rope. Sensing he can get within a point of winning the match by putting David through something, MacAvoy drags Hardy over to a tall, oak wardrobe...


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IC: David better hope there is a pair of pajamas in there, cause he may be on his way to finding himself asleep. That is one SOLID piece of furniture!

Instead of making the mistake of letting the Tiger Beat Centerfold recover his energy, MacAvoy decides to punish him a little before driving him through the wooden unit. The self-admitted Jericholic stomps on Hardy's back and ribs to tender him up. MacAvoy then stands Hardy back up and locks him into position for a Twist of Fate.

Tex: This could be devestating! But wait...Hardy has the move scouted!

Banter: Of course he does. He's David *HARDY*...

Tex: He pushes MacAvoy forward into mini-closet....MacAvoy hits it, stumbles backwards, turns around.....RIGHT INTO A SUPERKICK!!!! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!? It sends Mac flying backwards through the Leksvek Wardrobe's doors!!! They shatter, leaving him slumped against the back of the thing, which falls right off.

IC: It's still 6-5 MacAvoy though...

Tex: Not for long! Hardy finds a Terje Folding chair...

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Tex: ...he folds it, raising it above his head and letting out a yell! The crowd responds!

IC: At least the female portion of it...

David places the chair in front of MacAvoy's body, then climbs up on a nearby table and delivers a textbook Missle Dropkick dropkick to the folded chair. The move is similar to a Van Daminator. The force sends MacAvoy rolling through the missing back of the wardrobe and causes the chair to break. The score is now tied! The crowd also realizes this once it flashes on the Jumbotron and their volume increases.

Tex: What's he got planned next?

Hardy does a DX-style crotch chop at the crumpled mess of wood, hinges, and MacAvoy. He then looks at his bloody arm. A trademark smirk even the Grinch would have envied creeps across David's face. The former tag and IC/TC champion pounces on top of MacAvoy and starts delivering a series of short punches to his face. Then, Hardy stands up him up, leaving MacAvoy teetering, and starts to look for a weapon. He notices two small circular mirrors...

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He places them side by side, forming an Infinity symbol, and admires himself in the reflection. Hardy casually strolls over to MacAvoy and smashes one of the Kolja Mirrors on his head. Tiny shards of glass open up a few cuts on Mac's face. He falls to the ground, soon wearing a crimson mask.

Tex: That's seven years bad luck!

Banter: For who? Hardy or MacAvoy? Cause technically, it was MacAvoy's dome that just broke that thing...

IC: Either way, Hardy's up 7-6....

David gazes at the mirror remaining in his hand, taking a moment to fix his hair, then hurls it Frisbee-style into MacAvoy's ribcage. It breaks on impact, giving Hardy his first decent lead of the night at 8-6. He notices the time is right for the kill. Mac appears to have lost a lot of blood, not to mention the other damage he's sustained from one of the more brutal stipulations in federation history.

Tex: Infinity's representative hauls MacAvoy over to a small chest of drawers...

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Tex: Mac is trying to fight back, but there's no more steam behind his punches. David pulls each of the drawers out on the Malm Dresser. He offers another set of crotch-chops, then runs right into a chairshot from a wicker folding chair much like the one he kicked into Mac moments ago.

IC: 8-7! It's still anyone's game!

But the shot didn't have enough force behind it to stop Hardy, who delivers a kick to Mac's wrist, sending the chair flying. Before he can recover, David runs towards him again, and delivers a D-K-O, breaking each drawer on the way down.

IC: I don't know if you give him three for breaking the thing or one for each level MacAvoy smashed through on the way down, but either way...

The bell sounds Hardy raises his arms in victory, his golden Infinity ring sparkling in the bright stadium lights.

Ring Announcer: Your winner, Davi-.....

Hardy cuts him off and whispers something into his ear. He looks to have a few more choice words for the announcer, then urges him to continue the announcement.

Ring Announcer: Your winner, and representing Infinity in the next round of the Majestic Cup Tournament, Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavid Haaaaaaaardy!!!!!!!!!

(Winner: David Hardy)

Before exiting the ring, Hardy asks a ringside RoXoR groupie for her Polaroid camera. For some reason, he takes a PICTURE of the bloodied MacAvoy, then returns the camera sans one photo to the fan.

Tex: Well, like they say, a picture speaks a thousand words I suppose. Anyways, this can't be good for the rest of the federation, especially Dante. The less members from Infinity who have a chance to win the Majestic Cup, and their choice at any match, the better off we ALL are...

Banter: As if Infinity would do something underhanded? Whatever!

IC: Time will only tell. Speaking of which, it's time for our next segment...


Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:04 am
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Unintentionally Hilarious
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Location: Cali,Bitch
Post Promos & Drakus vs Deadzone vs TI
The TwistedTron blinks on showing an image of a wrestler executing various manuevers, but the static on the screen does not allow the wrestler to be identified. The arena lights flicker. Over the din of the crowd, Thunderkiss 65 starts up, then like a radio dial be manually rolled across stations, it screeches into Cult of Personality, then seconds later it changes over to Regulators, which blends into Da Rockwilder which melds into Last Resort, then Mudshovel turns to static as Headstrong starts in as the dial rolls over to Shame & then the music finally stops on Numb/Encoreby Linkin Park & Jay-Z. The crowd, completly puzzled, looks around when suddenly an enormous pyro explosion at the ramp rocks & shakes everyone to their core. As the smoke dissapates, the Tron is blank momentarily but words start to appear, then fade out...

Allow me to introduce you to my friends

Agony

Pain

Torment

Shame

Fear

ECF - 411 - TCW Now that you've met them, you have been warned. We're coming. And we're bringing hell with us.

Banter: If this show gets any weirder I'm jumping off a cliff.

Tex: I wouldn't keep my word if I were you.

Banter: "Well uh, I can't wait for this next match!"

IC: "It should be as explosive as any match we've seen in a long time! The talent, the guts--"

Banter: "The weapons!"

Tex: "That's right! This match will be a House of Horrors match!"

Everyone watches as the stage crew secures the last side of the cage directly to the ring. Inside, hanging from both the top of the cage and the sides via hooked chains, are weapons of all shapes and sizes. The excitement level in the crowd reaches new levels.

IC: "The crowd loves a good cage match!"

The last side of the cage secured, the ring crew leaves and Sammy Eubanks slides in through the single door open in the side. The crowd starts to cheer as he raises the microphone to his mouth.

Eubanks: "Ladies and gentlemen. The following match is a House of Horrors Match! Three men enter, using whatever weapons they choose. The first to get a pin wins! Entering the ring first, hailing from Long Island, New York-- DEEEEEAAAAADZOOOOOOOOONE!!"

Deadzone emerges from the back, accompanied by jazz music. He walks down the ramp and climbs through the door, testing the ropes by leaning on them.

Eubanks: "Next, from Anderson, Indiana-- DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAKUUUUUUUUUUS!!"

The arena lights cut out. As the opening notes of "Kerosene" play, a few red lights illuminate the arena. On the tron, black-and-white images of rural squalor flash -- boarded-up storefronts, rusted cars on garbage-littered front lawns, old bums in stained shirts on their porches drinking malt liquor from bags, bloated dead animals on the side of the road.

"I was born in this town, lived here my whole life.
Probably come to die in this town, lived here my whole life.
Never anything to do in this town, lived here my whole life.
Never anything to do in this town, lived here my whole life.
Probably learn to die in this town, lived here my whole life."

The images continue, becoming a series of shots of one run-down house with peeling paint in the middle of a vast, empty expanse. Shots of the inside show piles of disintegrating old magazines, cigarette-burned carpet, an ancient TV with a cracked screen and piles of moldy dishes in a disgusting, roach-infested kitchen.

"Probably come to die in this town, lived here my whole life.
There's kerosene around, something to do.
There's kerosene around, she's something to do.
There's kerosene around, she's something to do.
There's kerosene around, find something to do
There's kerosene around, she's something to do.
Kerosene around, SET ME ON FIRE!"

Suddenly the black-and-white image of the old house is obliterated by a burst of flame that becomes a wall of fire. In front of the entrance, pillars of flame shoot up from the ground. A large man, head draped in a ragged black cloth, emerges between the pillars of fire, grunting and snorting smoke.

"Set me on fire, kerosene.
Set me on fire, kerosene.
SET ME ON FIRE, KEROSENE.
SET ME ON FIRE, KEROSENE.
SET ME ON FIRE!"

Climbing into the ring, Drakus removes the cloth from his head, streches both arms and unleashes a primal scream of rage.

Drakus and Deadzone tense up and keep a wary eye on each other as they await their final opponent.

Eubanks: "And finally, from St. Louis, Missourri-- THE TITAAAAAANIUUUUUUM INSOOOOMNIAAAAAC!!"

The drums of P. Diddy's 'Come With Me' kick in as the arena goes dark. A weathered sign along a graveled country road appears on the screen with the words 'Welcome to Bedlam' carved into it. As the guitars kick in, we move to quick shots between riffs. The shots alternate between footage of TI in the ring and black and white art film clips. The clips are disturbing, somewhat incoherent. They only make sense to the one who filmed them. It's like something you'd see in The Ring or Un Chien Andalou.

P Diddy starts into his rap and the stage opens. Strobe lights flash as Titanium Insomniac rises from beneath. The clips continue to roll: TI puts an opponent through a table, a woman screams in melodramatic terror, TI smashes someone's head with a chair, a centipede crawls over a man's lifeless face...and so on and on and on.

TI makes his way to the ring, a cocky swagger about him. He knows he is dangerous because he doesn't care. If he were to die tonight, it wouldn't matter. He climbs through the ropes and smirks at his opponents as red and blue police lights flash above the ring. P. Diddy has become more passionate as he spouts his lyrics. He removes his trenchcoat as the lights come up and readies himself for bedlam one more time. He does not have to wait long as Drakus and Deadzone both launch themselves at Titanium Insomniac simultaneously. Eubanks hurriedly climbs through the door as the ring crew closes and secures it shut.

Tex: "Here we go!"

Deadzone reaches TI first, taking him down with a quick fireman's carry. Drakus seizes the opportunity to drop down, delivering several harsh punches to the fallen icon's face.

IC: "Drakus and the Insomniac are not wasting anytime here! Drakus with those powerful fists is really laying it in!"

Banter: "Yeah, and look at Deadzone! He's the smartest one of them all!"

As the two big men struggle on the mat, Deadzone quickly moves over to the side of the cage and pulls a chair off of the hooked chains. Drakus and TI, both unaware of their newly armed opponent, continue to fight.

CLAAAAANG!

Tex: "Oh my GOD! He nearly took Drakus' head off!"

Drakus falls back, his eyes temporarily glazed from the violent chairshot that hit him from behind. Deadzone ignores him and turns the chair to the Insomniac. He brings it down hard, but all he hits is mat as the surprisingly quick Insomniac rolls clear, sweeping Deadzone's feet out from underneath him. The chair hits the mat, followed by Deadzone right on top of it.

IC: "Nice footsweep from Titanium Insomniac! Whether he did it by accident or on purpose, having Deadzone hit that chair at such an awkward angle really took the wind out of him!"

Tex: "He's finally made it back to his feet!"

TI gets back up, the first time since the match started. A calculating look between Deadzone and Drakus tells him that both men are getting up at the same time. Rather than face both, TI chooses to have them face each other. He pulls Deadzone the rest of the way to his feet and grabs his wrist, whipping him violently toward Drakus. The two men collide. Deadzone stumbles to one knee, Drakus simply stumbles. He shakes the few remaining cobwebs free from the chair shot and turns his aggression to the last thing to hit him. Drakus and Deadzone go at it.

IC: "Belly-to-back flipping throw suplex!"

Banter: "Drakus looks pissed! Well-- more pissed than usual!"

Deadzone slams down and Drakus hurries over, not going for the pin, but trying for damage instead. He pulls the woozy Deadzone to his feet and throws him face-first into the cage.

Tex: "This is going to get down-right ugly soon!"

Banter: "I hope so!"

IC: "Drakus is not letting up one bit! He's got Deadzone in a torture rack!"

Drakus torques Deadzone's body at an unusual angle.

THUD!

Both men drop down to the mat, Deadzone landing on Drakus' head.

Tex: "They forgot about Titanium Insomniac!"

Banter: "That wasn't smart."

IC: "Not only is he rested, he's armed with that sledgehammer!"

TI hefts the sledgehammer onto his shoulder as he looks down at his opponents. Drakus clutches his chest, where the sledgehammer collided with him. Deadzone rolls off of Drakus' head and struggles to his feet.

THUD!

Banter: "Get these men a chiropractor!"

Deadzone falls down again, this time clutching his side. TI grins, the sledge resting over his shoulder. Drakus glares at him and pushes himself up. TI shrugs and swings the hammer again.

CRAAAAASH!

Tex: "What a counter!"

IC: "Titanium Insomniac didn't know that drakus was on top of that chair! That sledgehammer bounced off of it and hit him in the head!"

TI falls down to one knee as Drakus tosses the mangled chair aside and leaps at the wobbling Insomniac. Both men deliver punches as they look for an opening.

Banter: "Once again, they've let Deadzone recover!

Deadzone looks up and sees a weapon he likes from the top of the cage. He begins to climb the wall as the two big men battle it out below him.

There is a smash as Drakus throws TI into the opposite wall of the cage. He catches the rebounding Insomniac and throws him again. Insomniac's head bounces off of the steel as Drakus catches him again.

Banter: "Third time's the charm!"

Drakus goes for another, but TI's foot comes up, countering the attempt. He reaches back and grips Drakus' head, throwing him forward instead. There is a smash as Drakus' face collides with the steel cage wall.

Tex: "Those two men are bleeding, but not broken! Look at them continue their fight!"

IC: "No quit in these two!"

Drakus and TI ignore the blood and pain and continue their violent assault on one another. TI grips Drakus by the head and drops down.

IC: "Textbook DDT!"

Banter: "Deadzone's having a bit of trouble up there with that chain!"

The viewer gets a shot of Deadzone as he finally unhooks the last chain holding the weapon in place. It finally comes free and Deadzone grips it tightly, lowering it to the ground.

Tex: "I don't like where this is going!"

Banter: "I do!"

Deadzone sets up the step ladder and climbs to the top, looking down at the two struggling men. He prepares to jump, but changes his mind just before executing the move. He climbs back down, still ignored by the two men.

IC: "Deadzone deciding against the ladder."

Tex: "What is he up to?"

TI catches Drakus under the jaw with a jab, but Drakus counters with an elbow to the neck that causes the Insomniac to grab it, struggling to breathe. Blood pours down the faces of both men. Drakus locks on a guillotine choke hold.

Tex: "He can't win that way, but he can sure wear Titanium Insomniac down!"

Banter: "And those idiots are STILL ignoring Deadzone!"

IC: "You're right! Their disgust for each other is not going to help them!"

Deadzone begins to climb the ladder again. The crowd sees why he climbed down again as he felt he needed something more than a ladder drop onto two men. He needed a weapon, too. In Deadzone's hands is--

IC: "Deadzone has ANOTHER ladder!"

Deadzone reaches the top, looking like some weird tightrope walker with the ladder clutched in his hands. He looks down once again at his two opponents and then throws the ladder violently down. With a crash, it collides with both men.

Tex: "Oh my GOD!"

Deadzone follows the ladder, only a split-second behind as he slams down on the ladder and both men below that with a splash. Drakus releases the guillotine as he and TI writhe in agony.

IC: "It looks like Deadzone hurt himself, too!"

Banter: "Yeah, but not nearly as bad as them!"

Deadzone pulls the ladder aside and, seeing TI looking slightly the worse for wear, covers:

1!!

2!!

3NO!!

IC: "Titanium Insomniac barely gets a shoulder up!"

Tex: "I'm surprised he could even move after that impact!"

Deadzone rolls clear and lifts TI's sledgehammer from the mat. He takes careful aim and swings, but TI rolls under the swing, coming up underneath Deadzone and tackling him to the mat with a spear.

Banter: "They aren't ignoring him now!"

TI pulls Deadzone to his feet, angrily whipping him onto the cage wall. He follows closely behind, grabbing Deadzone's head and repeatedly slamming it into the steel. He barely manages to push himself aside as one of the hooked chains nearly jams into his eye.

IC: "There is blood everywhere!"

TI is suddenly tackled from behind by Drakus. His momentum carries him into the cage and he turns, locking eyes with the enraged leviathan. He starts forward, but is suddenly jerked back. TIs eyes widen as he brings his hands up to his neck.

Tex: "Deadzone has tangled him up in that chain!"

With his final bit of energy, Deadzone hooks the chain high on the steel wall, nearly hanging TI. His feet barely brush the mat as he struggles to free himself.

IC: "Most men would be unconscious by now, but not even being hung is stopping the Insomniac's fight!"

Banter: "I'd be cranky if I never slept, too!"

Drakus grips Deadzone from behind and suplexes him over his head. He lands on the mat with a crash and slowly rolls to his feet. Drakus spears him back down, but Deadzone uses the momentum of the move to roll through it, landing on top of the larger man. He delivers a headbutt and then reaches out, gripping the sledgehammer. He shoves the handle against Drakus' throat and pushes down with all of his strength.

IC: "He's going to choke Drakus!"

Banter: "Astonishing powers of observation!"

TI manages to turn himself around, gripping the cage wall for support, and starts to climb, freeing the pressure on his throat.

Tex: "Titanium Insomniac is STILL not quitting!"

IC: "That's why he's a legend!"

Drakus stops trying to push Deadzone away and instead locks both hands around the sledgehammer handle.

Tex: "He just benchpressed Deadzone off of him!"

Deadzone looks surprised as the amazingly powerful Drakus lifts both the sledgehammer and him off of his chest and tosses them aside. Rubbing his throat, Drakus forces himself to his feet. Deadzone does the same thing, rushing toward the big man.

IC: "Tornado back-breaker from Drakus!"

Deadzone hits the mat unceremoniously. Drakus glances over at TI, seeing him still struggling to free himself, and moves to the cage wall.

Tex: "It looks like he wants a weapon, but that weapon has already been removed!"

IC: "There's still a weapon there, Tex!"

There is a grinding wrench of steel as Drakus tears the steel chain free from the cage wall. Wrapping one end of it around his fist, he moves over to Deadzone and slams his chained fist into his head. Deadzone falls down hard.

Tex: "Drakus looks like a man possessed!"

Drakus does not go for the cover. Instead, he turns around and moves over to the hanging TI. A chained fist slams into the Sleepless Ones kidney. Titanium Insomniac releases his grip on the cage wall and drops down to his original position. Drakus leans in, whispering something in TI's ear before pulling his chained fist back. Before he can deliver the punch, TI suddenly kicks forward, his foot burying itself in Drakus' stomach. Drakus leans forward, gasping, as TI shoves his feet up, wrapping his legs around Drakus' neck.

IC: "The Insomniac has got a submission on Drakus while he is still hung!"

Banter: "Gotta admire his spirit!"

Meanwhile, Deadzone lifts the ladder from the mat and charges forward, holding it in front of him like a battering ram. It slams into Drakus' spine and he slumps forward, his neck still caught between TI's legs. Deadzone tries to pull Drakus away for the cover, but Ti refuses to release the grip. He delivers a punch to TI's abdomen and goes for another, but TI catches it and yanks Deadzone forward, causing his head to collide with the cage wall.

Tex: "AMAZING! Titanium Insomniac can't move and he is still hurting two top-level opponents!"

Deadzone falls to the mat and TI finally relents, releasing the hold on Drakus. He shoves the nearly unconscious big man away with his feet before using them to pull the ladder toward him. Using the extra few inches as leverage, the Insomniac begins to climb again.

Deadzone finally rolls over, shoving himself up and moving over to Drakus. He pulls the large man to his feet and prepares to deliver the Noir Drop.

IC: "Deadzone is about to deliver his finisher!"

Tex: "No he's not!"

Banter: "Drakus pulled that out of nowhere!"

IC: "The Psycho Driver!"

Deadzone crumples to the mat as Drakus moves to cover. TI finally is able to reach the chain holding him.

1!!

Titanium Insomniac yanks the chain free and falls to the mat.

2!!

He rushes forward, his arm held out for a brutal clothesline.

3!! The Insomniac nearly takes Drakus' head off.

Banter: "Erm-- did Drakus get the pin?"

All eyes fall on the referee who reaches down and holds Drakus' limp hand in the air.

Tex: "Drakus got the pin!"

Banter: "But he doesn't know what planet he's on!"

IC: "That doesn't matter! Titanium Insomniac was a split-second too slow in stopping the pin!"

Tex: "What a completely bizarre ending to a brutal and bloody match!"

Banter: "I feel somewhat gipped."

Drakus woozily yanks his hand from the referee's grasp. The cage door is held open and Deadzone is the first to move to the back, receiving a round of applause for his efforts.

Tex: "Deadzone proved himself today against two of the very best. He took them to the brink!"

Banter: "I really feel gipped."

Drakus leaves next, ignoring the crowd. He walks through the curtains and out of sight. TI continues to stand in the ring, an indescribable look on his face.

IC: "He looks both angry and bemused."

Tex: "It's hard to tell what that man is thinking!"

Banter: "---What a gip!"

IC & Tex: "SHUT UP!"

TI finally moves to the door, climbing from the ring. He walks to the back, the strange look still on his face.


Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:10 am
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Post Promos
"Up next we have..."

"REPENT!!"

"Oh brother," Tex says as 'Highway To Hell' starts playing.

A moment later, Father John Savage emerges from the back, one hand clutching a microphone, the other gripping his Bible. He begins to walk down to the ring, followed by his giggling nuns.

"Hellooooooo, nuns!" Banter exclaims.

Savage climbs up the ring steps and waits for two of his nuns to hold the ropes down so that he can climb in. He lifts the Bible high in the air and clears his throat. "Hello miscreants!"

He is greeted with a chorus of boos. Savage waves them off dismissively. "Yes, I figured I'd get that reaction from you inbred bunch of degenerates. Fear not though, for Father John Savage has come here to save you!" Savage pauses, grinning widely to the jeering crowd. The nuns giggle and wave. "Now, why did I lower myself to speak to you Bahamians... Bahamanites... Bahamans... Well, let's just call you idiots." This is greeted with even more boos. "So, why did I lower myself to speak to you idiots? Simple. It is my duty as the one, true weapon of the Lord our GOD to save the wretched, weak, pitiful, diseased, disgusting, sideshow freaks like yourselves! That's what being a loving man like myself is all about! You sir!" Savage points to an old man sitting in the front row. "Yes, you! come on in here! Father John Savage wants to speak with you!"

The old man shrugs, climbing over the barrier with the help of Midnight Simmons, and then moving up the steps. He climbs under the second rope and stand in front of Savage.

"You look like a nice old man," Savage begins. The crowd cheers the man as he gives a thankful nod. Savage looks at him, "What are you nodding at, idiot? I was talking to Tex."

Banter: "HAHAHA!!"

The crowd jeers Savage once again. "Ok... So, tell me old man. How old are you?" The old man whispers the answer, but Savage holds out the microphone. "Come on now, geezer. Don't be shy! Tell everyone just how ancient you are!"

"Seventy-six," the old man says, waving to the crowd.

"Seventy-six," Savage says, nodding. "And tell me, do you wear Depends?"

The man looks taken aback by the question. "Come on, fogey, quit dodging the question. Do you crap your pants?"

The man proudly shakes his head no. Savage gives a golf clap and puts his arm around the old man's shoulders. "Well buddy, if you don't crap your pants, you must not shower much because you smell like shit!"

The embarassed old man starts to say something, but Savage holds his hand up. "You see everyone. It is smelly pieces of shit like this man that I am here to save! You need someone righteous to set an example for you all. I mean, look at this freak." Savage steps away from the old man and points at him. "He smells like crap, is older than dirt, and has probably never gotten laid in his entire life. Now, look at me." Savage grins, pointing at his chest. The crowd replies with a chorus of jeering catcalls. "That's right, I'm sexy, charismatic and get laid several times a day, right ladies?" The nuns giggle and nod. "Don't you ingrates understand? This is what I am trying to help you become! I am trying to help you become one with God! Like me!" Savage pinches Trixie's behind and gives her a wink.

"I've come here to the city of..." Savage moves over to the old man. "Where the hell are we?"

"Nassau," the old man replies.

"That's a real name? What the fuck?" Savage shakes his head. "I've come here to the city of Nard Straw to shepherd the flock onto the road to righteousness!"

Savage holds his Bible in the air and bathes in the adulation of the crowd. Actually, it's jeers and boos, but he prefers to think of it as adulation. Finally, savage lowers the Bible and looks over at the old man. "What, you're still here? You can go."

The old man shrugs, looking uncertain about turning his back on Savage.

"Go, you old fart!" Savage hollers. The old man turns to the ropes as the nuns giggle, amused by the word fart.

Savage watches the old man leave, shaking his head. "Disgusting. How can you idiots live with yourselves? Every city I go to, every person that I meet, everytime I offer my services as God's messenger, I get crap. Don't you morons see that I care? Don't you idiots notice the compassion in my fucking voice? The love that I feel for you brainless inbred freaks? Before I go, I will grace you with a quotation from the Bible. It's from the Book of Burt, Chapter 9 verse 12. 'And lo did the people of Nard Straw revel in their lameness, and the Lord saw that they were dumb. Unto them, he deliveredeth a shepherd, to steer their straying flock back onto the righteous path. The Lord saw that this shepherd was good and said unto him Go Savage. Go and save these freaks from their sinful ways. And Savage did this and they saw that it was good. The Lord doth rewardeth Savage with many prostitutes and quaaludes and he did partieth unto the morning.'"

"I don't believe this," Cain says, shaking his head.

"I don't either," Tex murmurs.

"That was beautiful!" Banter concludes.

Highway to Hell plays again as Savage climbs out of the ring, followed by the nuns. They make their way up the ramp, waving at the booing fans. Savage opens his Bible and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it, before continuing to the back.

IC: Well that's out of the way...let's check out some backstageness.

Banter: That's a dumb word.

The camera goes backstage to Infinity's lockerroom where the entire group is standing a mixed reaction can be heard, they're facing someone's who's off camera. Shadow has both tag belts slung over his shoulders as he talks to the person.

Shadow: I've been watching you we all have, I've seen it in you since I've joined this stable I've watched your matches and have seen the unfair treatment that you've been given. Since my partner has left, there's been a hole that needs to be filled and we all have agreed that you're the best man to fill that void.

Highone: What Shadow is trying to say is that people may look at this as a charity case they may say that you don't deserve to hold this belt but we feel differently. Management may not see it but we see it and our opinion is more important than anyone else's. We're Infinity and we're asking you to be one half of the tag team champs.

The camera pans across to show a smiling DeSean Blackwell, boos can be heard from the fans.

DeSean: First off let me just say, I don't two flying shits what these smark assholes think, I don't have to prove myself to them. Also let me say this is an honor and I want to thank you guys. Shadow I will gladly accept your partnership and one half of the tag titles we will run through the entire tag division. Just like tonight Highone and I are going to kick the Dungeon and Dragons asses and we will show why Infinity is the most dominant stable in wrestling history!

Highone: Win, lose or draw we will celebrate the crowning of a new champion.

Shadow takes the belt that has PDs name on it and gives it to DeSean, DeSean takes the belt and puts it around his waist and slings the ROH belt over his shoulder. The camera fades to black as the group embraces DeSean.


Now I've told you this once before
You can't control me
If you try to take me down you're gonna break
Now I feel your every nothing that you're doing for me
I'm picking you out of me
you run away

I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone

You're always hiding behind your so called goddess
So what you don't think that we can see your face
Resurrected back before the final fallen
now they've arrest until I can make my own way
I'm not afraid of fading

I stand alone
Feeling your sting down inside of me
I'm not dying for it
I stand alone
Everything that I believe is fading
I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone

And now its my time (now its my time)
It's my time to dream (my time to dream)
Dream of the sky (dream of the sky)
Make me believe that this place is invaded
By the poison in me
Help me decide if my fire will burn out
Before you can breathe
Breathe into me

I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone
Feeling your sting down inside of me
I'm not dying for it
I stand alone
Everything that I believe is fading
I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone
Inside
I stand alone
inside


Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:14 am
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Unintentionally Hilarious
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Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 8:17 pm
Posts: 1816
Location: Cali,Bitch
Post Main Event


Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:25 am
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