"Ahey!" Savage shouted.
"I think you mean 'ahoy,'" Acolyte muttered.
"That is obviously what I said! Ahey!" This time, a face peered over the side of the boat. Savage flailed his arms. "Save us!"
The face vanished again. For a second, the two water-treading wrestlers thought they were going to leave them, but a moment later, two ropes were tossed over the sides. "Grab hold!" a voice commanded. This was followed up by an emphatic "ARRR!"
"You heard the ARRR-Guy," Savage said, grabbing a rope.
"I'm not so sure about this," Acolyte started. Finally, seeing no other alternative other than a very lengthy swim in shark(?) infested waters, he relented and grabbed a rope.
"HEAVE!" came a voice. They were rapidly hauled out of the water and over the side of the shoddy, wooden boat. The two men looked around them, dripping with sea water.
"Uh," Savage began, but even he had no idea where to go from there.
"Who be ye? ARRRRR!" a voice shouted.
The two turned around and saw a figure standing nearby
"I said 'Who be ye?'" he hollered again.
Savage stepped forward. "It is I, Father John Savage! REPENT!! And this is my associate, Ass-is-tight!"
Acolyte elbowed him before turning back to the man. "My name is Acolyte, not Ass-is-tight. Excuse him," he said pointing at Savage, "he's an idiot."
The pirate rubbed his chin thoughtfully before letting out a sudden "ARRR!" Savage and Acolyte both jumped back a bit as the pirate moved forward. "We could use another pair of hands on our crew of salty dogs! ARRR!" He fixed his eyes on Acolyte. "Especially one with a tight ass, right crew?"
Acolyte and Savage both turned slowly around to look at the crew.
"What the fuck kind of pirates are you?" Acolyte asked, glancing back at the pirate.
"We be Butt Pirates! ARRR!"
Acolyte and Savage both turned to each other and weighed their options. At the same time, they both leaped back over the side. The water was a welcome comfort after being on that ship with the seamen. The Butt Pirate ship sailed out of sight and Acolyte sighed.
"I guess we're swimming again," he said. The pirates had actually taken them further away from Puerto Rico, but it was still within sight. They began to swim.
"This isn't so bad really," Acolyte commented.
"I agree, my tight-assed friend," Savage said.
"Could you please stop it with my ass?"
"I didn't name you. You should have come to grips with it by now."
The two continued swimming.
bump"Did you hit my leg?" Acolyte asked, drawing to a halt.
"No," Savage said. He cocked his head to the side. "You aren't going crazy, are you?"
"Something just hit my leg."
The two looked down at the water. They were in a deep section and couldn't see very far beneath their kicking feet. For a brief second, Acolyte thought he saw a large shape moving, but it was gone just as fast. "I don't see anything," Savage said. He shrugged and began swimming again. Acolyte remained still, his eyes glued on the water all around and underneath him.
"Come on," Savage shouted, "My liquor awaits!"
Acolyte was about to reply when he noticed a tiny shape slicing through the water nearby, leaving a wake behind it. It changed direction suddenly and veered toward Father Savage. As it grew nearer, it began to rise. Acolyte quickly saw that the small shape was just the tip of the proverbial iceburg. The shape took on a very defined look of a dorsal fin. A very, very large dorsal fin.
"Stop swimming!" Acolyte shouted.
"But that would be stupid," Savage said.
"There's a shark!" Acolyte hollered, starting to swim toward Savage.
Savage laughed a hearty laugh. "We already kicked the ass of several sharks, what damage can one teeny-tiny shark do?"
"This shark is not teeny or tiny," Acolyte said, picking up his pace.
The dorsal fin was right beside Savage when he finally stopped and turned. "Fine, where is this little sha- HOLYSHIT!"
The shark arced out of the water and slammed back into the ocean right beside Savage, narrowly missing him. Acolyte reached him and began to pull him away. "We have to swim away!" Acolyte hollered.
"I have a better idea," Savage said. He poked Acolyte in the eye.
"Ow! What the fuck did you do that for?" Acolyte said, his hand clutching his eye.
"I watched Shark Week last year and saw that they attack the wounded!"
Despite the situation, Acolyte couldn't help but stare at Savage as if he was the biggest idiot he had ever seen. Perhaps he was. Savage pointed at Acolyte and hollered out at the water. "He's injured oh great predator of the deep! Take him!"
"Thanks," Acolyte said.
A moment later, a large net was thrown over both men. They struggled for a moment, but saw the dorsal fin reappear. Deciding that they would be better in any boat, even that of a butt pirate, they allowed the net to haul them in. They thumped down on the wooden deck of a boat. A different boat. This one looked more like a lobster boat and had only one person on it. He looked like a grizzled man of the sea, someone who had seen it all and had come back for more.
"Thank you! That shark almost ate us!" Acolyte said, leaping up and shaking the man's hand.
"Yes, if not for my quick thinking, we'd both be dead!" Savage exclaimed.
"Makes no difference," the man said in a gruff voice. "We're gonna catch that shark."
"We are?" both Acolyte and Savage asked.
"Aye. We're gonna catch him and kill him."
"That sounds great, but could you drop us off in Puerto Rico first and
then catch and kill the shark?" Acolyte said. He glanced out at the ocean and saw the giant dorsal fin circling their boat.
The man continued on, either ignoring him or too nuts to hear him. "Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be livin'... 'til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... and then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin' and your hollerin' those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces."
"Do you have any whiskey?" Savage asked. The man handed him a flask and Savage grabbed it. "Thanks!"
Acolyte pulled Savage to the side, giving the crazed fisherman a reassuring grin first. "We need to get out of here."
"Why?" Savage asked, taking another gulp of whiskey, "He seems ok to me."
"He's taking us on a hunt for that gigantic shark! I don't know about you, but I don't feel like being eaten today!"
"Nonsense. He's a nice man who would never dream of putting a man of the cloth in danger. Right captain?" Savage hollered up to the captain who had moved to the wheel and was moving the boat after the massive shark.
The captain ignored them again, gazing off into the distance and singing to himself. "Fairwell and ado to ye' fair Spanish lady..."
Suddenly, the shark leaped from the water right beside the boat. It dwarfed the small ship. It landed with a huge splash, sending a massive wave over the deck. Acolyte and Savage held on for dear life and watched the dorsal fin resume its circling.
Acolyte looked over at the captain, his eyes wide. "I think you're going to need a bigger boat."
