<center><img src="http://www.twistedexperience.com/tcw/pics/posters/havocitaly/gssnprofevil.png">


"Professor meet the Green Super Stealth Ninja, Green Super Stealth Ninja this is Professor Evil... now go hit something, each other if you'd like "</center>

Bob had a lame life. He'd been working as a janitor for years. He was lucky if he ever heard a thank you from the ungreatful people that he worked for. Sweep, sweep, sweep, mop, mop, mop... over and over. Such was Bob's life. How much worse could Bob's life be? He sighed and squeezed the extra water out of the mop, dropping it heavily to the floor. With the mopping skills of a seasoned veteran, he began cleaning the floor. Yes, his life was terrible. It could not get any worse.

OR COULD IT!?

He never saw it coming. The man came from nowhere. He swept into the room like a tornado of purest evil. Evil so pure that it would make lesser evil people puke with fear. Bob had his back turned. There was a stubborn stain on the floor, probably from one of those damned wrestlers. No, poor Bob saw nothing.

Except for an evil fist flying at his face! Bob hit the floor and he fell unconscious. Yes, Bob's life really did suck.

Professor Evil looked at the stubborn stain on the floor and laughed evilly. Stains that irritated janitors were evil- AND HE LOVED IT! He looked down upon the janitor.

Professor Evil: "I bet you hate stains don't you? AH-HAHAHAHAHA!! I shall give you stains so evil that you will lose your mind!"

Lightning flashed outside, even though it was sunny, and thunder rumbled. Professor Evil reached into his pocket and pulled out... A permanent marker. That evil bastard! Professor Evil laughed as he began writing all over the walls with permanent ink. The kind that is a real pain in the ass to get off.

Professor Evil: "Wallow in the hopeless despair of evil stains, janitor Bob! WALLOW! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

A short while later, Bob woke up. Professor Evil was gone, but he had left his mark(s). Janitor Bob looked around at the walls. They were covered with smiley faces with devil horns on them and words like "POOP" and "PEE." Bob's eyes began to water with terror. In all of his life he had never seen something so evil. Finally he noticed a series of words scrawled into the wall beside the door: "JANITOR BOB IS A DORK" it said. Bob fell down on his knees, raising his arms into the air.

Bob: "WHY!? WHHHHHYYYY!?"

A short while later, Professor Evil walked into his evil locker room. He laughed again as he revelled in his evil gooching of Janitor Bob.

Professor Evil: "It's great being evil!"

He sat down in his La-Z-Boy recliner and began watching television. He came across a Friday the 13th marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel.

Professor Evil: "HA-HAAA!! Perfect!"

He started cheering everytime Jason hacked apart a helpless teenager. It was truly good times for Professor Evil. Or it was until a ninja star embedded itself in the wall over his head. The professor leaped up with evil annoyance.

Professor Evil: "What the fudge!? Who dares assail Professor Evil in his inner sanctum?"

He looked around his inner sanctum, which was really just a locker room with the words "INNER SANCTUM" painted on the wall. A voice pierced through the darkness.

Mysterious voice: "Beware the wrath of the ninja!"

Professor Evil: "A ninja? Bitch, please! I'm not afraid of a ninja!"

Mysterious voice apparently belonging to a ninja: "I am a master of stealth! I could be anywhere!"

Professor Evil: "Poop-eating fool! I can see you!"

There was an awkward pause. Professor Evil was staring right at a bright green ninja hanging from the ceiling by a rope.

Ninja: "No you can't. I am one with the shadows!"

Professor Evil: "No, you're right there."

Ninja: "Nuh-uh!"

Professor Evil: "You are a fool!"

The green ninja unclasped the rope and landed gracefully on the floor.

Green Ninja: "Well you are a jerk!"

Professor Evil was taken aback. A ninja dared to speak to the most evil person in the history of ever that way? The gauntlet had been thrown.

Professor Evil: "Well you... are a jerk times infinity plus one! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!! Professor Evil wins!"

The Green Ninja shook his fist in the air and pointed behind Professor Evil.

Green Ninja: "Look! Something wholesome and pure is behind you!"

Professor Evil: "Where? I shall corrupt it!"

While Professor Evil was turned around, Green Ninja raced forward and kicked Professor Evil really hard in the left ass cheek.

Green Ninja: "Yes! Green Ninja comes back for the win!"

Professor Evil clutched his ass, his eyes watering with evil pain. To his left, he noticed one of his inventions laying conveniently close by for moments when he was under attack by ninjas. With evil speed, he gripped it and held it in the air. Green Ninja stepped back, his hand clutching the handle of his sword.

Green Ninja: "What is that?"

Professor Evil: "It's a time machine! But not just any time machine, no! This... is an EVIL time machine! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!!"

Green Ninja: "No!"

Professor Evil: "Yes! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!!"

There was a flash of light and the smell of burning goat cheese. A moment later, Professor Evil and Green Ninja were standing in an open field. In the distance, a volcano rumbled and spewed hot ash and lava into the sky.

Green Ninja: "Where did you send us? The time of the dinosaurs?"

Professor Evil laughed.

Professor Evil: "No you fool! I have sent us to three weeks ago! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!!"

Green Ninja looked around and shook his head.

Green Ninja: "No, this is definitely the time of the dinosaurs."

Professor Evil: "AH-HAHAHAHA! That is what I wanted you to think, but it is really three weeks ago! My evil plan is working!"

Green Ninja pointed at the volcano rumbling in the distance and then motioned around them at the field and the lush forest beyond that.

Green Ninja: "There were no volcanoes here three weeks ago."

Professor Evil: "Weren't there!? Your stupidity reeks worse than a wet dog! I have clearly typed in the time in my EVIL time machine. See? It says here '21 Days Ago.'"

Professor Evil held the time machine out so Green Ninja could look at the display.

Green Ninja: "Look again."

Professor Evil turned the machine around so that the evil red glow of the digital screen faced him. 80 Million Years Ago.

Professor Evil: "Well, fuck..."

Green Ninja: "Just send us back to normal time man."

Professor Evil: "You would like me to do that wouldn't you?!"

Green Ninja: "Actually yeah it would be cool."

Professor Evil: "Well I could if I wanted to but I'm not going to!"

Green Ninja: "You don't how, do you?"

Professor Evil: "Don't be foolish ninja!"

Green Ninja: "Well since we're stuck here, I'm going to go find some food."

Professor Evil: "No need, I have brought one of my other billion genius inventions long with me."

Green Ninja: "Sweet....maybe?"

Professor Evil: "Yes, the Buttertoast-a-nator 2000! You just push this button and buttered
toast comes right out."

Green Ninja: "Awesome."

The ninja pushes the huge red button on the left side of the toaster looking contraption.

SMACK!

The toasted piece of bread hits ninja lightly on the chest, he grabs it, and takes a bite.

Professor Evil: "Yes, yes that's it, eat, it foolish ninja."

Green Ninja hears and sees the Professor looking excited at the fact he is eating the toast.

Professor Evil: "Tasty ain't it?"

Green Ninja: "Yeah it's pretty good..."

Professor Evil: "BUWAHWAHWAHAHAWHAHAHA!"

Green Ninja: "What did you put arsenic in it?! Rat poison?!"

Professor Evil: "Haha...no no, how quickly you forget ninja man. I said that it shot out ‘buttered' toast."

Green Ninja: "Yeah so?"

Professor Evil: "Take a look at the piece of toast Green man."

Green Ninja: "Looks like normal toast to me."

Professor Evil : "Ah but that's where your wrong...THERE'S NO BUTTER ON IT! THAT WAS JUST NORMAL TOAST NOT BUTTERED TOAST FOOOOOL!"

Green Ninja: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Professor Evil: "Muwahahahaha!"

Green Ninja: "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Professor Evil: "Muahahawahaha!"

Green Ninja: "Noooo--you got any water?"

Professor Evil: "Yeah here you go."

Green Ninja: "Thanks *gulp*gulp*."

Professor Evil: "Yes, yes drink drink."

Green Ninja: "Oh lemme guess, this water is past its expiration date?"

Professor Evil : "Not quite...muawawa."

The rather stealthy ninja finishes off the bottle of water and tosses it aside.

Professor Evil: "Only a matter of time now..."

Green Ninja: "K......."

The two then just awkwardly stand there and admire their surroundings, the gargantuan neck of the Diplodocus Carnegiei, the scaliness of the Stegosaurus, and the just pure scary awesomeness of the Triceratops. After a few minutes of silence Green Ninja breaks it with a huge and important announcement that everything and everyone that existed in the Prehistoric era needed to know.

Green Ninja: "Man I gotta PEE!"

Professor Evil: "Just like how I planned, yes, but the toilet has not been invented yet, you unlucky ninja! HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!?!"

A T-rex charges over at the evil professor as he braces his sure death, he feels a light slap on the face.

Professor Evil: "What the hell was that for?"

T-Rex: "Just because I'm 80 millions years doesn't mean that I don't know that no one says that anymore, if you say that again it will be worse than a slap from my tiny-puny arm..."

Professor Evil: "Who knew, dinosaurs could talk?"

T-Rex: "Ask that old guy Noah, he lives about fifty miles away; always building that big piece of wood."

Professor Evil: "How interrrresting....What are you doing Green fool?"

What the Prof. is referring to is that a certain bright Green ninja is doing the dance that little four year olds do when they got to go to the little boys/girls room quick and snappy or there will be a wet stain in their pantaloons soon.

Professor Evil: "Either we go to Noah's house about fifty miles away or you go somewhere behind that Sabertooth's den."

Green Ninja: "Hmm, I guess if I go into stealth mode they will never notice me!"

The ninja then does semi-flawed backflips, cartwheels, random jumps, and handsprings to the area behind the Sabertooth's den and almost begins to relieve himself before a thrashing is heard and then the Ninja comes flying right back next to the Professor and his ninja outfit is all torn up and the ninja says:

"Last one to Noah's house is a rotten egg."

Professor Evil: "Yeah like I'm going to run about fifty miles just so you have to take a piss."

The master of evil quickly changes his evil mind as he feels a rumble, and no it is not his stomach, but it is rather one of the three hundred nearby volcanoes signally that they're about to erupt.

Professor Evil: "I've always wanted to meet someone almost as evil as me..."

His stealthy traveling companion doesn't have time to ponder that statement as he and Professor Evil race the magma.

Yes now there is magma, so even if the Stealthy Green man wanted to just unzip his green pants he could not because of the magma, HOW EVIL!!!!

Professor Evil trudged along beside Green Super Stealth Ninja. Something had been bothering him.

Professor Evil: "I have heard of this 'Noah' before."

GSSN: "Uh, yeah... he's in the Bible."

Professor Evil: "Is he evil?"

GSSN: "No. Remember the ark? The Great Flood? *clutches crotch and walks faster* Why did I mention water? Any of this ringing a bell?"

Professor Evil: "It rings a bell alright. An EVIL bell! Continue on your way dung-muncher! I will be along shortly! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!"

GSSN: "You're going to do something evil, aren't you?"

Professor Evil: "Me? Yes."

With that, Professor Evil veered off into the dense foliage of the prehistoric jungle. Green Ninja paused for a moment, but his overloaded bladder forced him to move on. In the distance, his ninja eyes could make out a tendril of smoke rising into the sky. As he neared it, a chimney came into view and the house below that. It seemed rather out of place surrounded by volcanoes and dinosaurs, but he had no time to think about it. He needed to pee and he needed to do it NOW. Green Super Stealth Ninja knocked on the door of the home. A moment later, it opened and a short man with a three foot long beard stuck his head out.

Noah: "Whaddaya want?"

GSSN: "Can I PLEASE use your bathroom?"

Noah looked Ninja up and down a moment before relenting. He opened the door and let GSSN rush in, hopping back and forth.

Noah: "First door on the left."

Green Super Stealth Ninja raced into the bathroom and relieved himself. He came out after stealthily washing his hands. He felt much better now.

GSSN: "Thank you, Noah. I was about to explode."

Noah: "Oh yeah... whatever. On your way now. I've got things to do."

GSSN: "Like building the ark?"

Noah dropped his cup of coffee, which was invented a lot earlier than previously thought.

Noah: "How do you know about that? Are you a messenger of God?"

GSSN: "No. I'm from the future."

Noah: "Oh. Suuuuure. Yeah, I'm building the ark, but I'm having a little difficulty with it."

GSSN: "What do you mean?"

Noah: "Let's just say that God's not the person that you question, but how the hell am I supposed to get two of every animal in the world on one fucking boat?"

Green Super Stealth Ninja placed his hand on his chin in a stealthy fashion and thought for a moment.

GSSN: "Let's take a look at what you've got so far and we'll come up with something."

Noah led Green Ninja through the home and out a back door. Ninja paused, wondering how he had missed the massive boat on his way over. Probably due to his bladder. He had other priorities at the time. The ark was mostly finished, only a few planks on the side remained to be nailed on. It looked exactly like Green Ninja had imagined when reading about it in the Bible.


Noah: "Any ideas, green future guy?"

GSSN: "Well, you could always..."

Green Super Stealth Ninja's train of thought drifted off as the ground shook violently. He looked around, expecting to see another volcano erupting. Nope. This was something else. Something... EVIL! Professor Evil's voice boomed over the horizon.

Professor Evil: "Time to die, Bible man! HA-HAHAHAHAHA!!"

He finally came over the horizon, riding on the back of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Professor Evil: "What could be more EVIL than having my dinosaur eat Noah? Nothing! HA-HAHAHAHA!!"

Noah: "Who's this turkey?"

GSSN: "He's Professor Evil and he's, uh... evil."

Professor Evil raced forward on his trusty dinosaur. They loomed above Noah and Green Ninja, their evil shadow casting down upon them. Professor Evil grinned with evil glee at the impending doom of Noah.

Professor Evil: "When you die Noah, so shall mankind's hope for survival! Ah-HAHAHAHA!!"

GSSN: "But what about your friends and family? If Noah dies, so do all of them!"

Professor Evil drew up short, pausing. Finally, he shrugged.

Professor Evil: "Eh, fuck 'em. Feast upon the bearded one, my stee...*AH-CHOO!*"

Professor Evil wiped his evil nose as he sneezed. A second later, the tyrannosaurus rex fell to the ground, dead. All around them, dinosaurs began dropping dead. It was a lot like that Treehouse of Horror episode where Homer causes the extinction of the dinosaurs. It's a lot like that because that's where I got the idea. Aaanyway, back to the action. The trio looked around them at the devestation caused by Professor Evil's evil sneeze. He clapped.

Professor Evil: "I caused the extinction of the dinosaurs! Now THAT'S evil! HA-HAHAHAHA!!"

Despite being nearly eaten, Noah actually looked rather happy. Green Super Stealth Ninja looked at him.

GSSN: "Why are you smiling?"

Noah: "It'll be a lot easier to get all of the animals aboard now that half of them are dead."

Professor Evil scowled.

Professor Evil: "You mean I actually helped you do good?"

Noah: "Yes, thank you."

Professor Evil: "Come, crap-chewing ninja! I wish to leave this place. There is too much good will and happiness here!"

Professor Evil removed his time machine and set the dial to 80 million years in the future. There was a flash of light and the smell of burning goat cheese. When his vision cleared, Green Super Stealth Ninja looked around him.

GSSN: "Where are we now!?"

Professor Evil: "We are back in the modern day, you fecal-fornicating fool!"

Green Ninja looked at the flying cars and tall buildings.

GSSN: "This is not present day. We're in the future."

Professor Evil: "You sicken me, you poo-pounding ponce! My machine says that we are in the present day. It is infallible. You think we're in the future because I want you to believe that. It is all part of my evil plot to ruin your day! HA-HAHAHAHA!!"

Green Ninja looked around him again, just to be sure.

GSSN: "No, we are definitely in the future."

He picked up a newspaper that was blowing by. The headline read: Puerto Rico Wins World War 7.

Professor Evil: "Your lack of intelligence physically sickens me, you twit! Look at my machine and you will see that it says quite clearly 'Modern Day.'"

Professor Evil held his time machine out for Green Super Stealth Ninja to look at.

GSSN: "Look again."

Professor Evil turned the time machine around so that the glowing red display of his evil time machine faced him. 500,000 Years In the Future.

Professor Evil: "Well, fuck..."

Green Super Stealth Ninja kartwheeled into the shadows, blending in as well as a bright green ninja could. He backflipped his way to the wall of the old saloon.

GSSN: "Too easy."

Green Ninja reached into his pocket, which he may or may not have, and removed a grappling hook. With the skilled precision of a green ninja, he tossed it up to the roof and began to climb...

Professor Evil: "The dung-devouring ninja shall not beat me into this facility. AH-HAHAHAHAHA!!"

Professor Evil reached into his pocket and pulled out his trusty invention. It was a series of lights and a dial. Evil turned the dial so that it pointed to "Cheese" and then proceeded to aim it at the saloon...

Green Super Stealth Ninja reached the roof and stepped over. All was rather quiet. He had so far managed to avoid the watchful eyes of the soccer moms. He began to walk with a swagger, impressed with his amazing ninja skills. His swagger became a panicked run moments later when huge clumps of cheese began to slam violently into the saloon. He watched out of the corner of his eye as a wedge of cheddar severed a soccer mom's head from her body.

GSSN: "Holy shit!"

Stealth gave way to survival as Green Ninja bolted to the roof's door and wrenched it open. A wad of colby slammed into the door above his head and he ducked inside. He leaned against the door, listening to the frightened screams of soccer moms and Puerto Ricans as they perished under the onslaught of deadly cheese...

Professor Evil laughed his evil laugh as his invention shot cheese at the saloon. It was truly an evil invention, capable of creating anything out of thin air and turning it into a deadly projectile. For a time, he had pondered using goldfish, but there was nothing quite like the sound of cheese shredding human flesh. Moments later, Professor Evil ceased firing, noting that all those guarding the saloon were dead, buried under hundreds of pounds of cheese.

Professor Evil: "It is time to see what true evil is, Disembodied Head of Oprah Winfrey and her Evil Companion!"

Professor Evil tucked his "Evil Anything Gun" into his pocket and moved forward...

Green Super Stealth Ninja slinked along the halls. They were dark. Nay, they were really dark. A perfect setting for a ninja. Here, he could blend in perfectly.

Voice: "Halt!"

Green Ninja drew up short and stopped moving. His training told him that he was undetectable in the darkness. He was like a phantom, a cat, a... gun prodded him in the back.

Voice: "Come on, buddy!"

GSSN: "You can see me?"

Green Ninja turned to look at the guard, holding a rifle.

Guard: "Uh, yeah. You're bright green buddy. You stand out like a lightbulb."

GSSN: "Luck, that's all it is. Remember this day guard, for it is not every day that you detect a ninja!"

Guard: "Yeah, sure, sounds good. Move along now. I'm going to put you in a holding cell until Supreme Commander Winfrey's Head can decide what to do with you."

Professor Evil moved confidently through the halls. No one seemed willing to oppose him. He grinned evilly. It must be jealousy. Here they were, supposedly the most evil people in this century, and he had whooped up on them. Finally, he came to a set of golden double doors. Evil held up his hands.

Professor Evil: "I can feel the evil through the door. This is my kind of place!"

Professor Evil shoved the doors open and strolled into the room. At the end of the chamber, a gigantic glass bowl full of water rested on a table. A familiar head floated in it.

Professor Evil: "Oprah Winfrey, we meet again."

Oprah's Head: "Indeed?"

Professor Evil: "I remember it well. It was a Thursday... An EVIL Thursday."

Oprah's Head: "What do you want?"

Professor Evil: "I want to meet your boyfriend. I hear he is the most evil being here and I wish to bitchslap him."

A voice slips from the darkness behind Professor Evil. Not just any voice, an EVIL voice.

EVIL Voice: "Hello, Professor Evil. AH-HAHAHAHA!!"

Professor Evil turned slowly and saw the most evil person he had ever seen. He did have to admit that he was rather handsome in a sexy way.

Professor Evil: "You!"

The future version of Professor Evil stepped forward.

Future Professor Evil: "Yes!"

The two looked at each other for a moment.

Both Professor Evils: "AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!! We rule the earth!"

Professor Evil rubbed his hands together evilly.

Professor Evil: "I see the future is in good evil hands. Sweet!"

Professor Evil turned to leave, but the future Professor Evil raised his hand.

Future Professor Evil: "Not so fast, Professor Evil! You have yet to explain... him!"

Future Professor Evil clapped his hands and a guard emerged from an adjoining room, his rifle pointing at the back of Green Super Stealth Ninja.

Future Professor Evil: "We caught him shortly after your evil cheese attack. Care to explain?"

Professor Evil: "He is a fecal-feasting fool. I would recommend vaporizing him immediately."

GSSN: "Hey, wait a minute!"

Future Professor Evil: "Excellent idea, Professor Evil. And.. you'll join him! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Several guards rushed at Professor Evil and pushed him beside Green Ninja. Ninja looked at him.

GSSN: "Serves you right, ass."

Professor Evil grinned.

GSSN: "What the heck is so funny? We're about to be vaporized!"

Professor Evil: "True, but I'm so proud of how evil I've become! I even betray myself!"

GSSN: "I hope that comforts you when you're DEAD!"

The guards lifted their guns as Future Professor Evil laughed in an evil fashion in the background...